"I asked them not to tell me that!" - W.J. Flywheel, Webporium Curator GET SMART - START PAGE GET SMART - SEASON ONE GET SMART - SEASON TWO GET SMART - SEASON THREE GET SMART - SEASON FOUR GET SMART - SEASON FIVE BACK TO NEAT STUFF HALL OF FAME MAIN PAGE GET SMART - FOURTH SEASON EPISODE GUIDE 1.  The Impossible Mission September 21, 1968 "You know, 99? If we could get out of this trap I'd marry you." - Maxwell Smart CONTROL gets information that KAOS is going to use a television special featuring band-leader Herb Talbot to send out a deadly formula. Max and 99 go undercover as performers on the special (Max as a trumpet player with a computerized trumpet, and 99 as a dancer) to find out how the formula will be smuggled out. Unfortunately, their cover is blown and after a wild chase they are trapped in the television studio's control room. While they are trapped, Max makes a decision that will alter his and 99's lives forever. Director: Bruce Bilson, Writer: Allan Burns / Chris Hayward / Leonard Stern Guest starring: Aron Kincaid Jamie Farr, Eddie Hice, Robert Karvelas Robert, Ann Elder Barbara Feldon has said that this is her favorite episode. The 8x10 black and white photo that Max rips to pieces is a shot of singer/ukulele player Tiny Tim, who had a novelty hit record with "Tiptoe Through The Tulips" that year. Herb Talbot and the Tijuana Tin were based on band leader Herb Alpert and his band The Tijuana Brass. Alpert was one of the biggest recording artists of the 1960's and was the co-founder of A&M Records with 'Jerry Moss'. 2.  Snoopy Smart vs. the Red Baron September 28 1968 "That's right, Chief. Potatoes are as American as pizzas or tacos." - Maxwell Smart Something is destroying the all the potato crops in the United States. Max and 99 are assigned to go to Idaho to find out who or what is behind it. They eventually discover that Siegfried is using a phony crop dusting business to spread a chemical that will destroy all the crops. Also, Max meets his future mother-in-law who reveals an interesting fact about 99's father. Director: Reza Badiyi, Writer: Mike Marmer Guest starring: Bernie Kopell, Jane Dulo, Sharyn Hillyer, Jennifer Douglas, Pat Houtchen This episode is inspired by the comic strip "Peanuts" by Charles M. Schulz in which Snoopy had imaginary adventures fighting The Red Baron. Max is shown reading Schulz's "Happiness is a Warm Puppy" at the beginning of the episode. This is the first appearance of Jane Dulo as 99's mother, who will become a recurring character throughout the remainder of the series. At one point in the episode 99's mother reveals 99's father said he worked for a greeting card company (the same cover Max uses) but was really a spy. 3.  Closely Watched Planes October 5 1968 "May I have your attention please for a moment? Everything is under control and there's absolutely nothing to worry about. We will be landing in Miami in just a few moments. However, there is one small problem. Does anybody here know how to land a four engine jet?" - Maxwell Smart Several couriers have disappeared including one that Max was guarding. The main connection was that they all were on the same flight and that there were three individuals that were also on each flight (a toy maker, a magician and a parachute salesman). Max is chosen to be the next courier. However, just before he is to go on the mission he and 99 finally inform the Chief of their engagement. The Chief is thrilled, but because of CONTROL policy against spies marrying he must forbid it. Will policy be changed to allow Max and 99 to marry? Also, will they live long enough to make it to the altar? Director: Bruce Bilson, Writer: Arne Sultan / Leonard Stern Guest starring: Pete Barbutti, Ivan Bonar, Ward Wood, Maurine Dawson Aunt Rose is usually seen working at or walking through the airport but now she is on the plane and it's her biggest part so far. When she sees Max across the asile, speaking into his Doughnut Phone, she decides to listen to hers too but the reception is not so good which leads to her first major speaking role on the series. Aunt Rose: "Pardon me, sir. May I have your doughnut?" Max: "Why?" Aunt Rose: "Mine isn't working." But that's not all for Aunt Rose in this episode. She also plays a part in the on again off again "Fasten Seat Belts" gag. As Max fights with the KAOS agents in the cockpit they keep accidentally hitting button that turns the no smoking and seat belt signs on and off confusing all the passengers. 4.  The Secret of Sam Vittorio October 12 1968 "Pittsburgh?" - Maxwell Smart Thirty years earlier bank robbers Connie and Floyd met up with Sam Vittorio, who had robbed 192 banks. Now dying, Vittorio will only reveal the location of his hidden loot to his protégés, who look remarkably like Max and 99. Max and 99 go under cover as Connie and Floyd and all is going as planned until the real Connie and Floyd escape from prision. Director: Jerry Hopper, Writer: Arne Sultan / Leonard Stern Guest starring: J. Carrol Naish, Rico Cattani, Johnny Silver, Juliet Foell During the opening narration, the narrator describes the bank robbers' route as, "...all the way from Gallup, New Mexico to Flagstaff, Arizona, and don't forget Wiona, Kingman, Barstow, and San Bernardino." This is a quote from the song titled "Get Your Kicks (On Route 66)", which was written by Bobby Troup in 1946. Troup wrote the hit song for Nat 'King' Cole. Chuck Berry covered it as did The Rolling Stones on their first album and many others since. Troup started as a singer-songwriter but is probably best remembered by the public as the calm, easy-going physician Dr. Joe Early with his then wife Julie London on the popular medical drama Emergency! (1972). 5.  Diamonds Are a Spy's Best Friend October 19 1968 "It's Spiegel's jewelry store, right around the corner of Spiegel's drugstore, next to Spiegel's delicatessen, where Spiegel's cleaners used to be." - Maxwell Smart KAOS is using its League of Bald Headed Men to steal diamonds and smuggle them out of the country and fund their European payroll. While shopping for an engagement ring for 99 at Spiegel's Jewelery, Max accidentally stumbles onto the plot. Spiegel, sells Max the valuable Morris Diamond to keep KAOS from getting their hands on it. When 99 shows the ring to the Chief, he suspects that Max might be on the take. Director: Gary Nelson, Writer: Arne Sultan / Leonard Stern Guest starring: Oren Curtis, Jerome Raphel, Dick Wilson, Gino Conforti Character actor Dick Wilson played Spiegel in this episode. Born in England and raised in Canada, he got his start in show business with a part-time job at CHML radio in Hamilton, Ontario, at age fifteen and later graduated from the Ontario College of Art & Design. Wilson is best known for his portrayal of "Mr. Whipple" for 25 years in Charmin commercials. In appreciation for his over 500 performances of the highly recognizable Mr. Whipple character, Procter & Gamble provided Wilson with a free lifetime supply of Charmin toilet tissue. He went on to build a considerable resume as a character actor on radio, stage, film, and TV and appeared in 18 episodes of Bewitched (seven times playing a drunk though in real life he never took a drink). On his career he said, "I've done thirty-eight pictures and nobody remembers any of them, but they all remember me selling toilet paper." 6.  The Worst Best Man October 26 1968 "Sorry about that, Hymie." - Maxwell Smart Several CONTROL agents meet with foul play. The connection; they are all agents Max asked to be best man at his upcoming wedding. Because of this, the Chief orders Max to ask Hymie to be his best man. However, what they don't know was that it was a plot by KAOS to plant a bomb in Hymie's robotic body in order to kill off the all the agents who would be attending Max's bachelor party. Will Max discover the bomb before its too late? Director: Gary Nelson, Writer: Allan Burns / Arne Sultan Guest starring: Karen Arthur, Bernard Barrow, Bill Bradley, Paul Hahn, Ron Masak, Avery Schreiber, Hal Dewindt, Hal Huber Final episode featuring Richard Gautier as Hymie. Gautier, an actor, comedian, composer, singer, artist and author, has written books on acting and drawing. He starred as Robin Hood in the short-lived TV comedy series When Things Were Rotten (1975) created by Mel Brooks and in short-lived cult classic Mister Terrific (1967). Gautier has also performed several voice-over roles in animation, including Rodimus Prime in the third season of the Transformers animated series from 1986–1987, Spike the Dog in Tom and Jerry Kids and Cow and Chicken. In 1972, when Burt Ward and Yvonne Craig reprised their Batman roles (as Robin and Batgirl respectively) for a TV public service announcement about equal pay for women, Adam West (who was trying to distance himself from the Batman role at the time) was absent. Instead, Gautier filled in for West as Batman. 7.  A Tale of Two Tails November 2 1968 "Your grades are alarming in disarming, and you are failing in tailing." - Maxwell Smart Max fills in at spy school for an afternoon and is forced to deal with two students whose grades are "alarming in disarming and failing in tailing." After a brief disarming session, he assigns 198 and 199 to 99 as she picks up wedding items. Unknown to Max, 99 is also on assignment and is really picking up the Gaul Formula. She spots the tails and believes them to be KAOS agents. Director: Jerry Hopper, Writer: Arne Sultan / Leonard Stern Guest starring: Fred Willard, Vic Grecco, Victor Sen Yung, Clarice Gillis, Lavelle Roby When Max writes his name on the chalkboard with the invisible chalk, he inadvertently writes "Snart" instead of Smart. A cursive "m" has 3 humps not two. Also, his motions do not match the signature when it is revealed by the eraser. 8.  The Return of the Ancient Mariner November 9 1968 "Of course. The old drug his prunes, fake the fight, ransack the apartment and switch place with the Admiral trick." - Maxwell Smart With an attempt to kidnap Admiral Hardgrade in the works, Max has him stay in his apartment. Director: Gary Nelson, Writer: Allan Burns / Arne Sultan Guest starring: Jay Lawrence, Sharon Cintron, Alan Oppenheimer, Larry Vincent, Ned Wever, Jane Dulo, Dorothy Bracken, Mace Neufeld, Jack Cassidy 9.  With Love and Twitches November 16 1968 [99's mother is at the door] "Is she moving in with us already? We're not even married yet." - Maxwell Smart Max meets with KAOS defector Dr. Madre who has offered to give Max the map to the KAOS owned Melnick uranium mine. However, Madre informs Max that the wine he is drinking was spiked with a tonic that turned the map into a liquid and that it will cause him to break out in a rash in the form of the map. Unfortunately, it will take 48 hours for the map to fully appear and within that 48 hour window is Max and 99's wedding. Max must then try to find a way to not only postpone the wedding, but stay vertical for 48 hours in order for the map to appear. Of course, this doesn't stop a couple of KAOS agents from crashing the wedding. Don Adams' wife plays 99's bridesmaid. Director: Gary Nelson, Writer: Allan Burns / Arne Sultan / Chris Hayward / Leonard Stern Guest starring: JJane Dulo, Jay Lawrence, Larry Vincent, Ned Wever, Dorothy Bracken, Mace Neufeld, Sharon Cintron, Robert Karvelas, Alan Oppenheimer, William Schallert The arguing couple at the wedding were played by Dorothy Bracken, Don Adams' real life wife at the time and Mace Neufeld, Adams' manager. The wedding guests also include Adams' mother, some of the writers, producers, staff members and friends of people associated with the show. 10.  The Laser Blazer November 30 1968 "Chief, I think I'd better explain to you what actually happened over there, you see, I lost a cufflink in the couch, and Ingrid was helping me look for it. Eh, would you believe a tie clasp?" - Maxwell Smart Smart wears a new blazer given to him by a Chinese merchant, Lin Chan. Smart, however, isn't aware he posses a weapon in the blazer, and is mystified as object disappear around him. Director: Jay Sandrich, Writer: Mike Marmer Guest starring: Julie Newmar (Ingrid, the maid), Leonard Strong, Owen Bush, Chuck Courtney, Ralph Manza, Michael Sterling The show opens in Hong Kong, where the Chief tells Lin Chan (Leonard Strong) that he's got to go, that he's got to be in Manila in an hour. However, it takes 2 hours to fly between those two points, and that's not including airport transfer. 11.  The Farkas Fracas December 7 1968 "You're holding a gun on her and I'm taking pictures of secret documents. Who else would she think we were, Sonny and Cher?" - Emil Farkas When Agent 99 is caught without dessert, she gratefully accepts chocolate mousse from her solicitious neighbor Naomi Farkas. Naomi and her husband Emil are secret KAOS agents who hope to photograph some papers the Chief has with him. Director: Jay Sandrich, Writer: Allan Burns / Arne Sultan Guest starring: Alice Ghostley, Tom Bosley Guest star Tom Bosley would go on to play the Dad in Happy Days. 12.  Temporarily Out of CONTROL December 14 1968 "He's one of those Spanish spies, Chief. The fellow with the little mustache and the big Chihuahua." - Maxwell Smart Max as an ensign and the Chief as a yeoman suddenly realize they'd better get off the ship if they are to thwart a KAOS plot. Director: James Komack, Writer: Allan Burns / Arne Sultan Guest starring: Russ Conway, Sean Kenney, Jay Ellis 13.  Schwartz's Island December 21 1968 "99, these footprints were made by a man six feet two and a half inches tall, two hundred and twenty four and a quarter pounds, blond hair, blue eyes, a scar on his left cheek and walked with a decided limp." - Maxwell Smart The Smarts' honeymoon cruise ends when their sailboat blows up. They drift to an uncharted island, which soon proves to be owned by KAOS chief Seigfried. Director: Bruce Bilson, Writer: Allan Burns / Arne Sultan Guest starring: Bernie Kopell, King Moody This episode was filmed on the set of Gilligan's Island (1964). The island is named Schwartz's Island after Sherwood Schwartz, the creator of that show. The sailboat Max rents was owned by producer Burt Nodella. 14.  One Nation Invisible December 28 1968 [explaining to 99 why there is another woman in their apartment] "When I brought Dr. Canyon home, I thought he'd be a short, fat, baldheaded little old scientist, I never dreamed for one single moment that it would turn out to be this lushious beautiful gorgeous woman that you see before you. I don't think I explained that too good." - Maxwell Smart Max must bring a scientist, Dr. Canyon, into the CONTROL camp. His problems multiply quickly; the invisible doctor turns out to be a pretty woman whose visibility returns just as Agent 99 enters their apartment. Director: Harry Falk, Writer: Lloyd Turner / Whitey Mitchell Guest starring: Lyn Peters, Ed Kovens, Dick Latessa, Eddie Ryder, Pati Conway This was before the age of computer graphics and CGI. Special efefcts were done old school. Throughout the episode there are many goofs with the wires used to make the doctor seem invisible. In one scene when Max and the Doctor are leaving the bar, the wires used to make the glass pour itself are clearly visible and you can also clearly see the wires that make the beads and chair move as well. 15.  Hurray for Hollywood January 4 1969 "Well, look for me in the third act. That's where I do my big scene. I get killed." - Maxwell Smart The Chief believes KAOS has set up new communication system, which may be connected with a theatre group. Smart and 99 become thespians even though Smart's dramatic efforts are overly exuberant. The pair makes their debut, unaware that KAOS has discovered their identity and is planning a lethally realistic ending to the third act. Director: Don Adams, Writer: Arne Sultan / Chris Hayward Guest starring: Ivor Francis, Terence Kilburn, Monte Mansfield, Don Ross, Claude Woolman 16.  The Day They Raided the Knights January 11 1969 "Ok Chief, you can count on me. I'll be up first thing in the morning and I'll check out every topless retaurant in town." - Maxwell Smart When budget cuts hit CONTROL, 99 is on the list of agents to be laid off. She then finds a temporary job at a trading stamp redemption center, which also happens to be a KAOS munitions drop that is about to begin distribution of their latest weapon, a stereophonic pistol. 99 finds out what is going on and informs the Chief, but is captured before she can give the location. The Chief and Larabee eventually find the location, but are captured themselves. It is now up to Max to find and save them. Director: Reza Badiyi, Writer: Rick Mittleman Guest starring: Dennis Cross, John Francis, John Harding, Nancy Kovack, Jackie Lane While 99 is handling routine stamp redemption, an African-American man asks for a poster of Governor Wallace...and a box of darts. Governor Wallace was the governor of Alabama and a hardcore racist. He opposed segregation ... standing at the very door of one school to block black students from being admitted. He was paralyzed during an assassination attempt in 1972 and spent the rest of his life in a wheelchair. 17.  Tequila Mockingbird January 18, 1969 " Yes sir, the one thing you never wanna do is to pull a horses tooth when he's standing up." - Maxwell Smart Smart and 99 pose as a flamenco dancer and a seedy doctor to fool KAOS as both search for hidden gems in Mexico. Director: Don Adams, Writer: Arne Sultan / Chris Hayward Guest starring: John Harding, Nancy Kovack, Oscar Beregi, Lewis Charles 18. I Shot 86 Today February 2, 1969 "Of course! The old mortar in the rocks in the 14th hole trick." - Maxwell Smart When the Smarts learn another center near a golf course has been earmarked for destruction by KAOS at a specific time, they plan to be on the course that day. Director: Jay Sandrich, Writer: Burt Nodella Guest starring: Tom Hatten, Irwin Charone, Charles Bateman 19.  Absorb the Greek February 8, 1969 "Well, Chief, we didn't wanna do it, but that's the assignment they gave us." - Maxwell Smart The Chief takes up computer dating and winds up dating a gorgeous young woman. The Chief's boss (unseen) orders Max and 99 to follow the Chief to make sure that this romance is not a security risk. 99 also thinks that the Chief should be dating someone more his age, like her mother. The young woman is actually the wife of Dr. Paponickolini, who is giving the Chief a secret formula for eternal youth. The Chief arrives at Max's apartment for a dinner date with 99's mom but instead KAOS shows up and kidnaps 99's mother, thinking she's the wife of Dr. Paonickolini. Director: Richard Benedict, Writer: Arne Sultan / Chris Hayward Guest starring: Jane Dulo, Jack Deleon, Joseph Mell, Alizia Gur, Stuart Nisbet 20.  To Sire, with Love (Part 1) February 15, 1969 21.  To Sire, with Love (Part 2) February 22, 1969 "Of course. Rotten, ruthless Rupert of Rathskellar." - Maxwell Smart The Chief uses a masked costume ball to switch King Charles for Max. Agent 99 soon has dificulty telling the two apart. Unfortunately, KAOS does not have the same problem uncovering the ruse. Later, 99's confusion makes Max jealous and leads to marital coolness in the Smart household. KAOS has a more direct plan to solve the confusion: get rid of them both. Director: Gray Nelson, Writer: Arne Sultan / Chris Hayward Guest starring: John Doucette, Don Rickles, James Caan, Keith Hefner, Allan Kent James Caan appeared as a favor to his friend, Don Adams. He refused credit so the credits read "Rupert of Rathskeller as Himself". Another friend, Don Rickles also has a cameo. 22  Shock It to Me March 1, 1969 "Dr. Zharko, KAOS' mad scientist?" - Maxwell Smart Dr. Erick Zharko and his assistant Bruce wire Max and 99 to a Dr. Frankenstein-like apparatus. Zharko figures that a jolt of his specially controlled electricity will shock Max and 99 into a five year sleep. Director: Jay Sandrich, Writer: Arne Sultan / Chris Hayward Guest starring: Tom Poston, Sid Haig, Milton Parsons, Claude Johnson Tom Poston (who would go on to George the handyman on Newhart) was the original choice to play Maxwell Smart when the series was being developed. 23  Leadside March 8, 1969 "That's the second biggest cosmetic case I ever saw!" - Maxwell Smart Wheelchair bound mastermind Leadside is caught in a robbery by Max and announces a three-part plan. Phase one, he will escape from Max. Phase two, he will destroy CONTROL by disabling the CONTROL Super Computer, the Addvarc 1. Would you believe the most sophisticated piece of technology available in 1969? Phase three, he will kill Maxwell Smart. After Leadside follows through on Phases One and Two, Max holes up in his apartment, vowing "Leadside will only complete Phase Three over my dead body." Director: Gary Nelson, Writer: Lloyd Turner / Whitey Mitchell Guest starring: Annazette Chase, Paul Carr, Ronald Long 24  Greer Window March 15, 1969 "You're telling me. When I walk, I limp. With a limp!" - Maxwell Smart CONTROL corners KAOS Agent Klineschmidt in a house and attempts to take him alive. Before they can do that, he manages to shoot Max in the buttocks. Forced to stay at home, Max amuses himself by using binoculars to spy on the office building across the street. The office he's watching belongs to Otto Greer, who is a government contractor. Top secret papers have been disappearing from his office so the Chief assigns 99 to work undercover as secretary to Greer. Max keeps an eye on 99's progress and discovers too late that Greer is a KAOS agent planning to kill both of them. Director: Edward Ryder, Writer: Arne Sultan / Chris Hayward Guest starring: Lynn Borden, Barney Phillips 25  The Not-So-Great Escape (Part 1) March 22, 1969 26  The Not-So-Great Escape (Part 2) March 22, 1969 "So that's how you did it: the old check the baggage, take out the insurance, page 'em on the phone, spin the booth trick." - Maxwell Smart It's Aunt Rose at the airport (again). This time she seems to be lost, walking back and forth in the opening scene above. Later when Max and the Chief return to the airport she is still wandering around, but this time in a different coat. Max is assigned to see Agent Kendall safely on a plane to Europe. However, Kendall mysteriously disappears from the airport after being paged. When Max takes the Chief to the airport to find out what happened, the Chief also disappears after being paged. Now in a KAOS POW Camp, Smart and the Chief try all the standard escape methods and each time KAOS has Seigfried and his henchman, Starker, block them. The Chief realizes that there must be an informer in the camp and devises a plan to fool the informer. Director: Don Adams, Writer: Arne Sultan / Chris Hayward Guest starring: Bernie Kopell, Kathie Browne, Johnny Haymer, John S. Ragin, Victor Bozeman, John Flinn, King Moody Hymie the Robot (Richard Gautier) was supposed to appear in this episode. But Gauthier was unavailable so his part was deleted. When Siegfried is addressing the prisoners, you can see vapors forming from his breath - it's clearly quite chilly. (This is especially noticeable when he says, "The picnic is over" and "What is it, Chief of Control".) But just moments later, he remarks that "it's much too hot out here". slideshow GET SMART - START PAGE GET SMART - SEASON ONE GET SMART - SEASON TWO GET SMART - SEASON THREE GET SMART - SEASON FOUR GET SMART - SEASON FIVE BACK TO NEAT STUFF HALL OF FAME MAIN PAGE Content intended for informational and educational purposes only under the GNU Free Documentation Areement. Get Smart copyright © Talent Associates, Columbia Broadcasting System (CBS), National Broadcasting Company (NBC), Paramount Television, Sony Pictures Home Entertainment and Worldvision Enterprises.