THE DICK VAN DYKE SHOW SECOND SEASON EPISODE GUIDE
1. Never Name a Duck
September 26, 1962
"There's a bright side to havin'
ducks around the house, too. When... when they... when they grow up,
we can have fresh duck eggs for breakfast every morning."
- Rob Petrie
"From which one, Oliver or Stanley?"
- Laura Petrie
Ritchie becomes very attached to two baby
ducks that were left over from a show and adopts them. Rob faces the
task of making Ritchie understand the consequence of trying to keep
pets that may be happier living in the wild.
Writer: Carl Reiner, Director: John Rich
Guest Stars: Jerry Hausner, Jane Dulo,
Geraldine Wall, Frank Adamo
2. The Two Faces of Rob
October 3, 1962
"I like the way your eyes light up
when you go crazy."
- Buddy Sorrell
Posing as a mysterious stranger, Rob calls
Laura and asks for a date - a prank that backfires when she accepts
his invitation.
Writers: Sheldon Keller, Howard Merrill,
Director:John Rich
Guest Star: Herbie Faye
3. The Attempted Marriage
October 10, 1962
"I hate to see you cry like this."
- Rob Petrie
"Well, it's the only way I know how
to cry."
- Laura Petrie
Rob recalls the disastrous circumstances
that led to his beleaguered arrival at his own wedding, battered,
bruised, and three hours late.
Writer: Carl Reiner, Director: John Rich
Guest Stars: Sandy Kenyon, Ray Kellogg,
Dabbs Greer
Carl Reiner fondly recalls the sequence
where Rob shudders as he summons the courage to propose to Laura in
an open Jeep. "That was my proposal! When I asked my wife to
marry me, I got chills just like that." The producer took pride
that most of the stories on the show sprang from events that had
actually happened to him, or someone on the staff. "I would
always ask writers," he explained, "'What happened to you
today?' and not, 'What have you seen lately and how can we change it
around for a story?'" Writer Bill Persky found that the search
for storylines could become a comical obsession. In Look magazine, he
recalled getting a flat tire on a deserted Mexican roadway. "I
was scared to death, but I was thinking, how can I put this in the show?"
While the idea that Rob would accidentally
drop the key for the jeep into the radiator is amusing, military
jeeps do not have keys. Instead, they have a button for the starter.
4. Bank Book 6565696
October 17, 1962
"For years, my wife kept throwing
quarters into a cookie jar. Drove me nuts!
Finally, I found out what she was saving
for. Cookies!"
- Buddy Sorrell
Rob's imagination runs rampant when he
discovers a sizable sum of cash stowed away in Laura's secret bank account.
Writers: Ray Allen Saffian, Harvey
Bullock, Director: John Rich
5. Hustling the Hustler
October 24, 1962
"You've heard of Minnesota Fats? This
is Illinois Skinny."
- Laura Petrie
Buddy worries that his incorrigible
brother plans to fleece Rob when the supposedly reformed gambler
challenges the head writer to a friendly game of pool.
Writer: Carl Reiner, Director: John Rich
Guest Star: Phil Leeds
6. My Husband Is Not a Drunk
October 31, 1962
"How do you do? I'm Sally Rogers. I'm
already in a trance and I'm nobody's wife."
- Sally Rogers
Rob suffers from a post-hypnotic
suggestion that forces him to act hopelessly inebriated every time he
hears a bell ring.
Writer: Carl Reiner, Director: Al Rafkin
Guest Stars: Charles Aidman, Roy Roberts
All the scenes where someone is being
hypnotized were purposely interrupted to ensure nobody watching at
home would accidentally be hypnotized (is that even possible?). This
episode reveals Millie Helper's maiden name as Krumbermacher. Guest
star Charles Aidman filled in for Ross Martin for four episodes on
The Wild Wild West as secret service agent Jeremy Pike during the
last seaon of that series. Martin was off recuperating from a heart attack.
7. What's in a Middle Name?
November 7, 1962
"Pa, nobody's sending you to your
grave yet."
- Sam Petrie
"I'll go to my grave when I WANT to,
and just try and let anybody try and stop me!"
- Grandpa Petrie
Rob tells Ritchie how he was given the
middle name Rosebud in order to settle a feud that raged among his
grandparents before he was born.
Writer: Carl Reiner, Director: John Rich
Guest Stars: Carl Benton Reid, Geraldine
Wall, Cyril Delevanti, J. Pat O'Malley, Isabel Randolph
"What's in a name? A
cat by any other name
STILL wouldn't smell like a rose."
8. Like a Sister
November 14, 1962
"Heeeey... Dootle-lee dootle-lee do
do do."
- Buddy Sorrell
Rob is concerned that Sally may be
developing romantic illusions about Ric Vallone, the handsome singer
who's been flirting with her all week.
Writer: Carl Reiner, Director: Hal Cooper
Guest Star: Vic Damone
Vic Damone receives a special guest credit
at the top of the show - an insertion that is quite unusual in the series.
9. The Night the Roof
Fell In
November 21, 1962
"Hello, Marge? Could you call Mrs.
Petrie and tell her I said that Buddy told me that Rob asked him to
tell her that Rob's coming home with a surprise? - and I'll give you
eight to five I can't repeat it."
- Sally Rogers
Rob and Laura each have an extremely
trying day, and end up having a terrible fight. Three versions of the
incident are shown - one from Rob's perspective, one from Laura's -
and the way that it really happened.
Writer: John Whedon, Director: Hal Cooper
Guest Star: Peter Oliphant
10.
The Secret Life of Buddy and Sally
November 28, 1962
"He knows, he knows, but he don't
know WHAT he knows,
and we're gonna keep it that way."
- Buddy Sorrell
Rob feels something's gone wrong in his
relationship with Buddy and Sally. Their work life is going all
right, but they don't seem to socialize together outside of work
anymore. Even when Rob suggests they come to his house for a barbecue
on the weekend (which includes doing some work), they make up an
obviously lame lie to get out of it. What's worse for Rob is that he
overhears Buddy tell Sally that what they do outside the office is
none of Rob's business. At first, Rob thinks they're moonlighting
(writing for another show), which is forbidden under the terms of
their exclusive contracts, but comes to an even more shocking
conclusion after phoning Buddy's house and learning from Pickles that
Buddy isn't there: Buddy and Sally are having an affair.
Eavesdropping, Rob later overhears Buddy and Sally talk about
Herbie's Hiawatha Lodge - a getaway outside of New York City. To save
their friendship and Buddy's marriage, Rob makes any excuse to go
there with Laura and catch them in the act.
Writer: Lee Erwin, Director: Coby Ruskin
Guest Star: Phil Arnold
In the opening sequence, when Mary puts
the frozen sirloins back in the freezer, she can't quite get the
freezer door closed all the way but abandons it to get on with the scene.
11.
A Bird in the Head Hurts
December 5, 1962
"Honey, would you rather have him
pruny or hysterical?"
- Rob Petrie
Rob and Laura worry that Ritchie may be
suffering from an overactive imagination when he complains that he's
been attacked by a giant woodpecker.
Writer: Carl Reiner, Director: John Rich
Guest Star: Cliff Norton
12.
Gesundheit, Darling
December 12, 1962
"No, you're not. You're going there
to sneeze thoughts that I can't hear!"
- Laura Petrie
After Rob has a sudden fit of
uncontrollable sneezing, Jerry suggests Rob's sneezing is a
psychosomatic condition brought about by anger, the most probable
cause of that anger - based on the events of the evening - being
Laura. Laura too begins to believe that Rob is angry with her and it
becomes a vicious cycle when Rob continues to sneeze. After getting
allergy tests done and speaking to his doctor, Rob gets it into his
head that he really is allergic to Laura.
Writer: Carl Reiner, Director: John Rich
Guest Star: Sandy Kenyon
Rob tells his doctor he has a catfish in
an aquarium. Three episodes earlier, in The Night the Roof Fell In,
he had two goldfish in an aquarium.
13.
A Man's Teeth Are Not His Own
December 19, 1962
"I been busier than a centipede's
mother tryin' to diaper a baby while puttin' their shoes on."
- Jerry Helper
Rob is afraid that Jerry will never
forgive him after he lets another dentist perform emergency work on
his teeth.
Writer: Carl Reiner, Director: John Rich
14.
Somebody Has to Play Cleopatra
December 26, 1962
"Miss Harding can't participate in
the play... Well, a few of the wives got up a little petition that
prohibits her from being anything but a script girl."
- Laura Petrie
"Petition? Wh-when did THIS happen?"
- Rob Petrie
"First thing tomorrow morning."
- Laura Petrie
Rob has his hands full directing the
latest neighborhood variety show and none of the husbands are too
keen on letting their wife play Cleopatra.
Writer: Martin A. Ragaway, Director: John Rich
Guest Stars: Valerie Yerke, Eleanor
Audley, Bob Crane, Shirley Mitchell
Guest star Bob Crane would move on to a
regular spot on The Donna Reed Show before he assumed the lead role
in CBS's long-running wartime sitcom Hogan's Heroes. The song Laura
sings, "True Man True" was written by Morey Amsterdam.
(Buddy). Below, a rare color production photo of Mary Tyler Moore
performing "True Man True".
AV
CLUB FEATURETTE DEPARTMENT
Untitled
Laura rehearses her number, "True Man True", for the amateur variety show that Rob is directing. The song was written by Morey Amsterdam.
"Now, Lieutenant, my husband doesn't
want publicity.
He wants his table and chairs."
- Laura Petrie
Rob and Laura are unable to unravel the
mystery of how a cat burglar stole their living-room set without
leaving any clues.
Writer: Carl Reiner, Director: John Rich
Guest Stars: Barney Phillips, Johnny Silver
The maiden name of Buddy's wife Pickles is
revealed to be Conway.
16.
The Foul-Weather Girl
January 9, 1963
"You know, you sound exactly like one
of those wives in a situation comedy."
- Rob Petrie
Based on an off the cuff remark in a reply
letter he wrote, Rob's old high school friend Jane Leighton comes to
New York to try and make it big in show business. Rob vows to help
her in any way he can; however, Laura isn't so comfortable with his
doing that. Although Laura trusts Rob not to cheat on her, she
doesn't trust the beautiful and flirtatious Jane as much.
Writer: Carl Reiner, Director: John Rich
Guest Star: Joan O'Brien
17.
Will You Two Be My Wife?
January 16, 1963
"Well, don't you DARE tell me what it
is. If it's a surprise, I want Rob to tell me. [pause] What is it? "
- Laura Petrie
Rob faces the fury of a woman scorned in a
flashback that recounts how he lowered the boom on his hometown
sweetheart after his engagement to Laura.
Writer: Carl Reiner, Director: John Rich
Guest Stars: Barbara Bain, Ray Kellogg,
Allan Melvin
Rob talks about going back to Danville,
Illinois to tell his old girlfriend he can't marry her. Dick Van Dyke
grew up in Danville, Illinois.
Guest star Barbara Bain (playing the part
in a kind of Judy Holiday voice) would go on to win three emmys for
playing Cinnamon Carter in Mission: Impossible (1966-1969). She would
reprise the Cinnamon Carter role in a guest appearance in Dick Van
Dyke's later crime series, Diagnosis Murder (1997).
18.
Ray Murdock's X-Ray
January 23, 1963
"Aw, Honey, all right. I apologize,
but believe me, nobody's gonna think you're a kook or anything. I'll
bet you none of your friends even saw that show."
- Rob Petrie
"How can you be so sure?"
- Laura Petrie
"Because, Honey, if they saw it, you
can bet that that phone...
[as Rob points to it, the phone rings] ...
would be ringing."
- Rob Petrie
Laura feels betrayed when Rob tells a TV
interviewer how she inspired most of the outlandish domestic
situations featured on The Alan Brady Show.
Writer: Carl Reiner, Director: Jerry Paris
Guest Stars: Gene Lyons, Jerry Hausner
Jerry Paris began his long tenure as the
primary director of The Dick Van Dyke Show with this episode. John
Rich recalls how he came to appoint the actor as his successor when
he left the series to direct feature films. "Carl and Sheldon
were worried about what would happen to the show," he remembers.
"But it was already firmly on the tracks. The cast and the
writing were so solid, I told them, that anyone could direct the
show, I looked around, and Jerry happened to be standing there, even
him. Actually, Jerry turned out to be a fine director. He did an
excellent job."
The show's creator recalls a different
account of how the talented director found his calling. According to
Carl Reiner, Paris had been anxious to direct from the very start.
"But he was such a fidgety guy, no one thought he'd be very good
as a director. After John left, we finally gave Jerry a chance, and
he did better than anyone dreamed. He finally surprised us all."
19.
I Was a Teenage Head Writer
January 30, 1963
"But all we need is just one joke to
finish the show. Come up with something, Buddy, and you can go home
to your wife."
- Rob Petrie
"Go home to my wife? What kind of
reward is that?"
- Buddy Sorrell
When Buddy and Sally refuse to join Rob in
an impulsive walkout, he recalls his tempestuous early days as a
writer on The Alan Brady Show.
Writers: Sheldon Keller, Howard Merrill,
Director: Jerry Paris
This opening is the first time Rob
sidesteps the footstool and doesn't do a pratfall from tripping over it.
20.
It May Look Like a Walnut!
February 6, 1963
"Danny Thomas put nuts in my hat!"
- Rob Petrie
A terrifying science-fiction TV program
grips Rob while Laura cowers under her bed covers, trying in vain to
ignore the show and its blood-chilling music. When the show ends, Rob
further tortures Laura by acting out the tale of Kolak, a visitor
from the planet Twilo who resembles Danny Thomas and deploys walnuts
to destroy Earth's technological capacity by excising all Earthlings'
thumbs and imaginations. Rob awakes in the morning to a living room
strewn with walnuts and an eerily calm Laura preparing scrambled
walnuts for Rob's breakfast.
Writer: Carl Reiner, Director: Jerry Paris
Guest Star: Danny Thomas
The thousands of walnuts used for the
scene of Laura descending from the closet were supplied to the show
by walnut wholesalers. Dick Van Dyke recalled that the actors and
crew were allowed to eat as many walnuts as they wanted -- eventually
causing many of them intestinal problems from over-consumption of the
low-fiber nut meat. After the show, the producers returned any
unbroken walnuts to the wholesalers, most of which ended up on store
shelves. The scene was never rehearsed with the walnuts; the crew had
to get the shot correct the first and only time walnuts were used,
because it would take too long to reload the walnuts for another take.
Producer Sheldon Leonard hated the story
when it was presented as a script, thinking it was not funny and too
strange, but gave the go-ahead for it to be filmed. Later, he
acknowledged the popularity of the episode and said he had been wrong
to think it would flop.
The Dick Van Dyke Show was the last show
to have its entire run filmed in black and white. Carl Reiner
considered moving the production of the series to full color only to
drop the idea when he was informed that it would add about $7,000 to
the cost of each episode. Ever wonder what the Petries' living room
would look like in color? These color test shots from the "It
May Look Like a Walnut!" episode will give you some idea.
21.
My Husband Is a Check-Grabber
February 13, 1963
"Oh, no. Don't tell me we're gonna
have another one of those arguments where I have to guess what it is."
- Rob Petrie
The Petries' latest skirmish springs from
Rob's annoying habit of always picking up the check when they're out
with friends. Laura gives Rob the silent treatment on the ride home
from the restaurant as he tries to figure out just what he did that
got her so riled. "Well," she finally volunteers, "I
think it's pretty terrible not to be able to send our son to
college." And from that marvelous leap in logic, the quarrel
escalates in a funny, dizzying spiral.
Writer: Carl Reiner, Director: Al Rafkin
Guest Stars: Phil Arnold, Bill Idelson,
Joan Shawlee
This marks the first appearance of Sally's
steadiest boyfriend in the series, Herman Glimscher.
22.
Don't Trip Over That Mountain
February 20, 1963
"Laura, Rob loves you. He'd rather
cut off an arm than break a leg to cause you pain."
- Millie Helper
Rob is excited about his two-day ski trip
with Jerry, while Laura says she doesn't mind his going without her.
Though true, Rob eventually learns that Laura (thanks to a bad dream)
is dreading that Rob (who has never skied before) will try and
compete with expert skier Jerry and, in the process, break a bone.
Her fears worsen when Rob and Jerry are late returning from their
trip. As Laura and Millie wait together, Rob and Jerry are in a
hospital getting medical attention for injuries sustained in a four
person/one goat on-slope collision. Though Rob feels like his entire
body is "sprained," when he gets home, he does whatever he
can to hide his injuries from Laura so he won't have to endure a
bunch of I-told-you-so's if she knows the truth.
Writer: Carl Reiner, Director: Coby Ruskin
Guest Stars: Jean Allison, Ray Kellogg
23.
Give Me Your Walls!
February 27, 1963
"In fact, I would consider it an
honor - not an honor, a privilege - if you would allow the brush of
Vito Giotto to caress-a these-a magnificent walls. Please. Give me
your walls."
- Vito Giotto
Laura hires a flamboyant artist, Vito
Giotto, to paint the living-room walls but has second thoughts when
he turns their lives upside down and manages to paint most of the
rest of the house and become increasingly involved in their daily
lives without ever completing the job he was hired to do.
Writer: Carl Reiner, Director: Jerry Paris
Guest Star: Vito Scotti
When Ritchie exits the house to go next
door, he walks straight to the exterior corner of the house rather
than straight down the sidewalk. It seems apparent Larry Mathews was
exiting between gaps of the set.
24.
The Sam Pomerantz Scandals
March 6, 1963
"Well, this is another fine mess
you've gotten me into."
- Sam Pomerantz (as
Oliver Hardy)
Rob, Laura, Mel, Buddy, Sally and Pickles
visit a resort operated by Sam Pomerantz, an old friend from Rob's
Army days; however, when Rob accidentally incapacitates Danny
Brewster, the resort's regular entertainer, Rob must convince his
friends to give up their vacations in order to provide the
entertainment. Rob and his old Army pal revive their old Laurel and
Hardy routine in what amounts to Dick Van Dyke's own heartfelt homage
to the movie comedy team. Van Dyke frequently acknowledged Stan
Laurel's influence on his work, and his talent for "taking one
simple prop and doing fifteen minutes with it".
Writer: Carl Reiner, Director: Claudio Guzman
Guest Stars: Henry Calvin, Len Weinrib,
Joan Shawlee
"One night she says to
me "How do you fix frankfurters?" I says "I don't
know. I guess the same way you fix fish." She says "I tried
it. Once you clean out those weenies, there's nothing left."
25.
The Square Triangle
March 20, 1963
"Well, he's... he's taller and
handsomer than I am,
but don't forget I'm, uh, shorter and dumpier."
- Buddy Sorrell
Rob and Laura are nervous to learn that
French actor/singer Jacques Savon will be a guest on the Alan Brady
Show. Rob and Laura met Jacques and his then wife Yvette when they
visited Europe years ago. It is a trip that they never speak of,
although neither knows exactly why the other doesn't talk about it.
Writer: Bill Idelson, Director: Jerry Paris
Guest Star: Jacques Bergerac
Writer Bill Idelson appeared in a handful
of episodes as Sally's forlorn boyfriend, Herman Glimscher. He
continued to forge a distinguished career as a comedy writer and
eventually produced much of the first year of MTM's The Bob Newhart Show.
26.
I'm No Henry Walden!
March 27, 1963
"Oh, yes. You pronounce that Petrof,
don't you?"
- Mrs. Huntington
Rob feels self-conscious and out of his
league when he discovers that he's the only comedy writer at a
literary gathering full of pretentious writers and authors hosted by
a wealthy patron of the arts, Mrs. Huntington - whom they've never
met. Rob and Laura really only hope to meet famed poet Henry Walden
but discover instead that the party is a fund-raiser for a literary foundation.
Writer: Carl Reiner, Story By: Ray
Brenner, Jack Guss, Director: Jerry Paris
Guest Stars: Everett Sloane, Doris Packer,
Roxanne Berard, Betty Lou Gerson, Frank Adamo, Howard Wendell, Carl Reiner
27.
Racy Tracy Rattigan
April 3, 1963
"The only thing I have against
marriage, my dear:
it takes the prettiest girls out of circulation."
- Tracy Rattigan
Alan Brady's summer replacement is British
actor Tracy Rattigan. Despite Tracy never having hosted a variety
show, Rob, Buddy and Sally are eager to be working with him. Known as
somewhat of a ladies' man with the nickname Racy Tracy, Sally in
particular is anxious to meet him, but the one person Tracy seems
interested in is Laura.
Writers: Ronald Alexander, Carl Reiner,
Director: Sheldon Leonard
Guest Star: Richard Dawson
"Yeah... it's just
like my Aunt Agnes always says, 'You may have the world at your feet,
but that don't stop the corns from hurtin'."
Guest star, Richard Dawson later
discovered enormous popularity as a game-show host, though not before
he would log scores of sitcom appearances, including regular roles on
Hogan's Heroes and in the final incarnation of The New Dick Van Dyke
Show in the early seventies.
28.
Divorce
April 10, 1963
"Honey, Buddy is my best friend and
she is the one that drove him to Dozy Doodles."
- Rob Petrie
Rob gets a late evening emergency call
from Buddy and ends up playing amateur marriage counselor when Buddy
threatens to divorce Pickles. Buddy has found a pile of canceled
checks which proves to him that she's been having an affair and moves
into a hotel. Later Rob gets a another late night call, this time
from Pickles, in hysterics over Buddy not coming home. Rob
reluctantly rushes over in an attempt to consol Pickles (still
dressed in his pajamas) just as Buddy decides to come home finding
Rob with his wife.
Writer: Carl Reiner, Director: Jerry Paris
Guest Stars: Joan Shawlee, Charles Cantor,
Marian Collier
29.
It's a Shame She Married Me
April 17, 1963
"You, uh... you never got married, huh?"
- Rob Petrie
"Well, how could I? You got my girl."
- Jim Darling
Rob and Laura learn from their accountant
that they'll have to cut some corners and penny-pinch for the next
little while until their financial situation improves. Despite Rob
making a half-decent living, he is dismayed, feeling he should be
able to provide a more comfortable standard of living for Laura and
Ritchie. Rob's dismay changes to paranoia, persecution, insecurity,
fear and envy when he runs into Jim Darling, the show's new wealthy
and good-looking sponsor, who also happens to be Laura's old beau.
Rob fears that if Laura sees Jim again she may decide she made the
wrong choice in who she married, which may be hard to do since Jim
wants to host a cocktail party for the show's staff and their spouses.
Writers: Sheldon Keller, Howard Merrill,
Director: James Niver
Guest Star: Robert Vaughn
30.
A Surprise Surprise Is a Surprise
April 24, 1963
"You see, what she's doing, in chess,
is called the double-reverse half-truth check-your-mate gamble."
- Rob Petrie
Rob tries to second-guess Laura's plan to
surprise him on his birthday. When Rob finds out Laura is planning
"something" for his birthday, Laura makes a change of
plans. So Rob knows that Laura is planning a surprise party for him,
but what Rob doesn't know is that Laura knows that he knows, or so
Laura thinks. Rob is pretty certain she is trying the old double
reverse on him. Is she really? Only a party (or none) on Saturday
night will tell the real story of who managed to outfox whom.
Writer: Carl Reiner, Director: Jerry Paris
Sally Rogers (Rose Marie) teases Rob about
his amateur sleuthing to learn whether he's going to have a surprise
party by referring to him as "Sebastian", an almost
incomprehensible reference to most viewers today. She is referring to
the then-recent television series Checkmate (1960) that ran from
1960-1962, in which 'Sebastian Cabot' played a British criminologist
who assisted the partners of a San Francisco detective agency.
"My mother-in-law is
spending the month with us for a couple days."
31.
Jilting the Jilter
May 1, 1963
"If I play my cards right, that boy
is gonna be the future Mr. Sally Rogers."
- Sally Rogers
Sally's latest heartthrob is a stand-up
comic who's badly in need of a new writer, which is exactly what Rob
and Buddy suspect he's after.
Writer: Ronald Alexander, Director: Jerry Paris
Guest Star: Guy Marks
"I'll always hold a
special place in my heart for the guy who introduced me to (my wife)
Pickles. Every time I get heartburn, I think of him."
32.
When a Bowling Pin Talks, Listen
May 8, 1963
"Why don't you shut up and hand me
the phone?"
- Alan Brady
Ritchie helps his dad overcome a bout with
writer's block when the boy inadvertently causes Rob to plagiarize a
sketch idea from a TV kid's show.
Writer: Martin A. Ragaway, Director: Jerry Paris
Guest Stars: Jon Silo, Herbie Faye, Carl Reiner
The voice of Uncle Spunky was provided by
Jerry Paris.
