"Oh, Rob!" - W.J. Flywheel, Webporium Curator THE DICK VAN DYKE SHOW - START PAGE THE DICK VAN DYKE SHOW - SEASON ONE THE DICK VAN DYKE SHOW - SEASON TWO THE DICK VAN DYKE SHOW - SEASON THREE THE DICK VAN DYKE SHOW - SEASON FOUR THE DICK VAN DYKE SHOW - SEASON FIVE BACK TO NEAT STUFF HALL OF FAME MAIN PAGE THE DICK VAN DYKE SHOW THIRD SEASON EPISODE GUIDE The creative team of The Dick Van Dyke Show expands with the permanent addition of Bill Persky and Sam Denoff on the writing team along with Jerry Belson and Garry Marshall. The new writers work under the close supervision of Carl Reiner, who continues as producer, story consultant, and head writer in the third season. Jerry Paris succeeds John Rich as the series's regular director, a position he will maintain for the final three seasons. Writers Persky and Denoff began their long tenure on the show with this script, after a false start the previous year. In The Dick Van Dyke Show: Anatomy of a Classic, authors Ginny Weissman and Coyne Steven Sanders recount how Carl Reiner rejected the team's first submission outright. When they returned a few months later with "That's My Boy???" the producer was so impressed that he offered them permanent jobs. "If I hadn't found Persky and Denoff in the third year," Reiner observed, only half joking, "I think I would have had a heart attack." 1. That's My Boy??? September 25, 1963 "Laura, did you know that one out of every fifty million women have the wrong baby?" - Rob Petrie "Well, that's a cute trick. How does she manage it?" - Laura Petrie Mel's sister-in-law just had a baby, a beautiful product of two less-than-attractive parents. When Mel jokes that perhaps they got the wrong baby at the hospital, Laura, Jerry and Millie prod a sheepish Rob to tell the story of when Ritchie was born and Rob believed that the baby they brought home from the hospital was not theirs. The story... From the excitement of being a new father, Rob's somewhat confused state that day matched confusion exhibited at the busy hospital during Laura's entire stay. The hospital staff kept mistaking her room (208) with that of a Mrs. Peters (203) who also had a baby boy that same day. As person after person comments that the Petrie baby doesn't look like either Laura or Rob, Rob begins to believe that the Peters' baby and theirs were mixed up. Not wanting to concern Laura, Rob tried to find evidence of the mix-up and talks to the Peters on the phone. Only after meeting the Peters does Rob become certain whether the baby they have in their possession belongs to them or to the Peters. Writers: Bill Persky, Sam Denoff, Director: John Rich Guest Stars: Greg Morris, Mimi Dillard, Amzie Strickland Strange as it seems now, this relatively innocuous topper caused great controversy in 1963. After being rejected by both CBS and the sponsor, the script was only filmed after executive producer Sheldon Leonard offered to reshoot the ending if it didn't play to the live studio audience. Leonard himself was also concerned about the ending, but for different reasons. Sensitive to racial matters, Leonard felt that the ending made fun of the black couple played by Greg Morris and Mimi Dillard. Producer Carl Reiner disagreed, feeling that the butt of the joke was on Rob Petrie. In the end they all let the studio audience's reaction gauge whether the ending was appropriate. The producers were vindicated when the gag received the longest ovation in the show's history. The script for this episode launched the writing and producing careers of co-authors Bill Persky and Sam Denoff, who submitted a draft "on spec" to series producer Carl Reiner. Reiner eventually hired them as story consultants to take on part of the writing duties that he had theretofore carried mostly by himself. Persky and Denoff would ultimately contribute nearly 30 co-written scripts for the show, and would even take over Reiner's role as producer while he was filming The Russians Are Coming! The Russians Are Coming! (1966) during the show's final season. On December 11th, 2016 CBS aired two colorized episodes of The Dick Van Dyke Show, "That's My Boy" (above) and "Coast to Coast Big Mouth". When Bill Persky learned that these two classic episodes he co-wrote with his partner, Sam Denoff, would be colorized, he contacted series creator Carl Reiner to see if his worst fear would be realized. Alas, the answer was yes: true to the show’s actual set, the living-room couch at 148 Bonnie Meadow Rd. in New Rochelle NY, would be same hideous yellow-orange on-screen that it was in real life. "God, I hated that couch,' Persky recalled with a rueful laugh. 'It was ugly. Those two people (Rob & Laura) would never have bought that couch." 2. The Masterpiece October 2, 1963 "Research for a comedy show? Since when do WE have to know what we're writing about?" - Sally Rogers While attending an estate sale to learn about auctions for a sketch on the Alan Brady Show, Rob, Buddy and Sally accidentally bid on a painting of a clown signed by "Artanis." After winning the unwanted portrait (and paying a stiff price for it), Rob and Laura discover there is another painting underneath the clown -- one that bears a similarity to Grant Woods' "American Gothic." Writers: Sam Denoff, Bill Persky, Director: John Rich Guest Stars: Howard Morris, Alan Reed, Amzie Strickland, Ray Kellogg Guest star Howard Morris worked with Carl Reiner on Sid Caesar's show in the 1950s. Morris also directed a handful of episodes of The Dick Van Dyke Show in the third and fourth seasons. The part of the auctioneer was a rare on-screen role for former radio actor and frequent voice artist Alan Reed, best known as the voice of Fred Flintstone. 3. Laura's Little Lie October 2, 1963 "All women have to lie. It's nature's way of protecting them from the truth." - Sally Rogers The Petries discover that their marriage may not be legally binding after Laura confesses that she lied about her age on their marriage license. Writers: Carl Reiner, Howard Merrill, Director: John Rich Guest Star: Charles Aidman Art imitaes life in this episode. Viewers would assume that Laura, married with a young son, would be in her late twenties or early thirties. Officially Moore's portrayal as Laura Petrie begun at age 24 (11 years Van Dyke's junior). Mary Tyler Moore later stated that she was actually only 23 years old when she first starred on the Dick Van Dyke Show, but had told producers that she was 25 because she heard that Dick Van Dyke had said she might be too young for the part. 4. Very Old Shoes, Very Old Rice October 16, 1963 "I don't like to butt in, but I would listen to the judge. He's a very wise man." - Dodo Parker [at 64 yeas old] "He straightened ME out." - Donald Parker [at 79 yeas old] In the conclusion of the two-part episode, Rob and Laura must each try to explain their sudden departure from New Rochelle when they are trying to renew their vows in a hastily arranged ceremony in a distant town officiated by a local Judge and witnessed by Dodo and Donald Parker. The strain of having to keep the secret takes it's toll and by the time of the ceremony, either is speaking to the other. This was the farewell episode directed by John Rich, who left the series to direct feature films. Writer: Carl Reiner, Director: John Rich Guest Stars: Burt Mustin, Madge Blake, Russell Collins 5. All About Eavesdropping October 23, 1963 "Hey, play The Minute Waltz." - Buddy Sorrell "I only know half of it." - Sally Rogers "Play it twice." - Buddy Sorrell The Petries get an earfuI when they accidentally listen in on Millie and Jerry over Ritchie's toy intercom. Writers: Sheldon Keller, Howard Merrill, Director: Stanley Cherry Rob delivers the final line "I'm no Albert Schweitzer, huh?" as he plays a Bach piece on the piano. Dr. Albert Schweitzer was a medical missionary and received the Nobel Peace Prize. He was also an organist and a Bach scholar, thus Rob's joke. Schweitzer made recordings of Bach pieces which have been reissued on CD. 6. Too Many Stars October 30, 1963 "Well, yeah. She fooled everybody, Honey. You come out and sing great and dance great, people are GONNA think you're talented. She didn't fool me, though. Not for one minute. I saw through her. You take away all that fabulous dancing, all that great singing, what is there left? Nothing but that... haunting beauty." - Rob Petrie Mrs. Billings once again talks Rob into directing the New Rochelle Parents Council's annual variety show. He doesn't mind directing or performing in the show but hates the audition process. Now Rob has to decide whether to cast Anita Lebost, a talented newcomer to the neighborhood, or his wife, who had always just assumed the lead role was going to be hers, as it has been every other year. Writers: Sheldon Keller, Howard Merrill, Director: Jerry Paris Guest Stars: Sylvia Lewis, Eleanor Audley, Jerry Hausner, Eddie Ryder Guest star Sylvia Lewis (Anita Lebost) was once married to The Dick Van Dyke Show director John Rich (1955 - 1959). Rich would direct 41 episodes as well as countless other shows such as All In The Family and Benson, but this episode featuring his ex-wife was directed by Jerry Paris. Sylvia Lewis was born in York, Pennsylvania, first performed as a young child in the last days of vaudeville in Baltimore, Maryland. She received her first classical training as a scholarship student at the Peabody Conservatory of Music, studying dance, voice and piano. Coming to Hollywood at the age of 12, she continued to study and secured parts in such films as Singin' in the Rain (1952) and Red Garters (1954) as a dancer, then in Drums of Tahiti (1954) as an actress. Later she added choreography to her list of credits, which began on the TV series Where's Raymond? (1953), that starred Ray Bolger and ran for 60 episodes on ABC. She choreographed dozens of TV shows since then, including Who's the Boss? (1984) and Married with Children (1987). Guest appearances on shows like The Dick Van Dyke Show (1961), The Beverly Hillbillies (1962) and Gomer Pyle: USMC (1964), plus a healthy stage career on both coasts, earned her a reputation as a triple-threat performer. Her career in theater, nightclubs, films, and TV which spanned 50 years continued until the 1990s. 7. Who and Where Was Antonio Stradivarius? November 6, 1963 "So long, Mel. See you tomorrow at noon." - Sally Rogers "Noon? You always come in that late?" - Mel Cooley "Well, don't forget, I go home early." - Sally Rogers While doing a run-through of a sketch for the Alan Brady Show, Rob smashes what he thinks is a breakaway violin over his head. Instead, it's a real violin, and the blow from the instrument brings on a bout of temporary amnesia, causing Rob to wind up at a party in Red Hook, New Jersey, with no memory of his real identity. Writer: Carl Reiner, Director: Jerry Paris Guest Stars: Sallie Janes, Betty Lou Gerson, Hal Peary, Amzie Strickland, Chet Stratton The inspiration for this show, in which Rob gets temporary amnesia from a blow on the head and ends up at a party in New Jersey, came from a real-life event involving Dick Van Dyke's father, Cookie Van Dyke. According to the younger Van Dyke, his father was at a Fourth of July party when he dived into his son's pool and hit his head on the side while emerging from the water. His father appeared unharmed, but then got dressed and drove 200 miles to Palm Springs where he ended up at another backyard party - this time with a group of complete strangers. 8. Uncle George November 13, 1963 "Well, it's Rob's Uncle George. He's visiting here form Danville and he wanted to meet some nice lady." - Laura Petrie "And we couldn't find any, so we invited your mother." - Sally Rogers Rob's boisterous, larger-than-life and young-at-heart Uncle George, comes for a visit and announces he's looking to get a wife and asks Rob help. Sally suggests the mother of her mama's boy's boyfriend Herman Glimscher. Rob and Laura host a small dinner party for the Glimschers, Sally and Uncle George where the elderly pair can meet; however, a problem arises when Uncle George only has eyes for one woman, who happens to be the wrong woman: Sally. Writer: Bill Idelson, Director: Jerry Paris Guest Stars: Denver Pyle, Bill Idelson, Elvia Allman Denver Pyle playing the "old guy" Uncle George in this episode, was actually a year younger than Herman Glimscher, played by Bill Idelson. "Man is like the drifting snow. It comes down in small flurries and piles up against the door, and before long you can't get out of the house." 9. Big Max Calvada November 20, 1963 "[Discussing his nephew opening at the Diamond Club] And coincidentally, the performer who is currently appearing there... took sick - next week." - Max Calvada Rob, Buddy and Sally are approached by reputed mobster Big Max Calvada to write a nightclub act for his nephew Kenny. They are afraid to refuse because of Calvada's reputation as an underworld figure, but are alarmed to learn that, despite preparing top-notch material for him, Kenny is hopelessly untalented as a performer. Writers: Bill Persky, Sam Denoff, Director: Jerry Paris Guest Stars: Sheldon Leonard, Art Batanides, Jack Larson, Sue Casey, Tiny Brauer, Johnny Silver Executive producer Sheldon Leonard was a natural for the role of Big Max, having played scores of Runyonesque tough guys in his career as an actor in films and TV. The character's name was also an in-joke, Calvada Productions was the company that owned The Dick Van Dyke Show. "Calvada" was actually an acronym incorporating the names of the partners, "CA" for Carl Reiner, "L" for Sheldon Leonard, "VA" for Dick Van Dyke, and DA for Leonard's business partner, Danny Thomas. The Jack Larson guest starring in this episode is NOT the Jack Larson who played Jimmy Olsen on "Superman" in the 50's. This Larson was a comedian-singer who recorded a number of novelty tunes for Fraternity Records, notably, "Roaches" and "The Way She Laughs," which has the line: "I don’t know what’s the matter with this heart of mine, I’m in love with a girl that looks like Frankenstein” 10. The Ballad of the Betty Lou November 27, 1963 "Listen, Laura, Rob's complete lack of maritime knowledge is a valuable stupidity." - Jerry Helper Inspired by an outing on Alan Brady's yacht, Rob and Jerry decide to enter an ill-fated partnership and acquire a boat of their own. Forewarned by the wives of the dangers of such a venture, landlubbers Rob and Jerry buy the sailboat anywat, but run aground due to their petty squabbles on deck. Writer: Martin A. Ragaway, Director: Howard Morris Guest Star: Danny Scholl 11. Turtles, Ties, and Toreadors December 4, 1963 "As long as this turtle lives, we'll be immortal." - Rob Petrie Rob hires a maid to help out around the house, but the incompetent domestic who arrives only makes Laura's life more complicated. Maria offers the Petries an unusual gift, a box turtle with the family's caricature painted on its shell. Writer: John Whedon, Director: Jerry Paris Guest Stars: Miriam Colon, Tiny Brauer, Alan Dexter In the tag scene, Rob brings home a turtle on which Maria painted Rob's, Laura's and Richie's faces. It faded out with a close-up of the turtle and Rob saying "as long as this turtle lives, we'll be immortal". This was a last-minute edit as the original line was "we look just like the Kennedys". John F. Kennedy was still alive when this was filmed, but not yet aired. It was still being prepared for broadcast when the president was assassinated, so broadcast was delayed a few weeks, and the line about the turtle's longevity was inserted. (Those who own the DVDs can see a splice mark in between the long shot of the family, and that of Rob's hands holding the turtle up close. The sound of his voice also sounds a bit different, betraying the fact that Dick Van Dyke looped in the line at the last minute.) The actual cartoon on the back of the turtle was sketched by Van Dyke himself, an enthusiastic doodler. Also, all Spanish-to-English and English-to-Spanish translations in the episode are correct. 12. The Sound of the Trumpets of Conscience Falls Deafly on a Brain That Holds Its Ears December 11, 1963 "Rob, there are eight million stories in the naked city, and I think you're one of 'em." - Buddy Sorrell Rob witnesses what he thinks might have been two suspects fleeing from a jewelry store holdup but does not immediately report what he's seen to the police. He wrestles with his conscience, and Laura, as he weighs the inconvenience of getting involved against the possibility that remaining silent might allow the criminals to go free. Writers: Bill Persky, Sam Denoff, Director: Jerry Paris Guest Stars: Ken Lynch, Bernie Hamilton, Edward Holmes 13. The Alan Brady Show Presents December 18, 1963 "Well, somebody's gotta feed these poor reindeer. Donna, Blitzen, Betty, come on." - Alan Brady Alan Brady revamps his Christmas show into a Yuletide extravaganza starring Rob, Laura, and the rest of his show's talented writing staff. Writers: Bill Persky, Sam Denoff, Director: Jerry Paris Guest Stars: Carl Reiner, Cornell Chulay, Brendan Freeman Carl Reiner makes his first full onscreen appearance as Alan Brady (though still hiding behind a Santa costume), after being in the shadows for his occasional cameos during the first two seasons. The producer resisted casting an actor in the role because he didn't think a bit player would be convincing enough playing a star of Alan Brady's magnitude. "I wanted the audience to think of Milton Berle or Danny Thomas," Reiner said, "not some guy I hired for $600." This Christmas episode was filmed without a studio audience because it had several complicated scene and costume changes. The show opens with an instrumental version of the song "A Lot of Livin' to Do" from "Bye Bye Birdie." Dick Van Dyke stared in "Bye Bye Birdie" on Broadway in 1960 and in the movie version earlier in 1963. At the end of "The Alan Brady Christmas Show," everyone sings the opening music of The Dick Van Dyke Show, thereby becoming a show that references itself. 14. The Third One From the Left January 1, 1964 "Laura, will you call Joanie's mother and tell her to make Joanie leave me alone?" - Rob Petrie Rob becomes the victim of undying gratitude and amorous attentions when he elevates a talented young chorus girl names Joan to a featured role on the show. Writer: John Whedon, Director: Jerry Paris Guest Stars: Cheryl Holdridge, Jimmy Murphy At one point Sally calls Joan Delroy a Mouseketeer. Cheryl Holdridge (1944–2009), the actress, who played Joan actually was a Mouseketeer and was good friends with fellow ex-mouseketeer, Annette Funicello. 15. My Husband Is the Best One January 8, 1964 "You can say anything you want as long as you bear in mind that your contracts are coming up for renewal." - Mel Cooley The prestigious national news magazine, Newstime, is doing a cover article on Alan and the show. Mel wants Rob to take reporter Diane Moseby out to lunch to extol the virtues of Alan. As Rob was planning to meet Laura for lunch, Mel suggests Laura can join them for lunch later. At lunch Rob strides to keep his comments focused on Alan's comic genius but Laura credits Rob for the show's success at every turn. The resulting article almost costs Rob his job. Although very complimentary, it is less about Buddy and Sally the shows star Alan Brady and more about Rob, whom gets all the credit for the comic success of the show. Writer: Martin A. Ragaway, Director: Jerry Paris Guest Stars: Valerie Yerke, Carl Reiner, Frank Adamo 16. The Lady and the Tiger and the Lawyer January 15, 1964 "Will you please remember that this is not a contest? So I hope you're not gonna do anything that would ruin Donna's chances of winning it." - Laura Petrie The Petries stage a matchmaking competition to see whether a new bachelor in the neighborhood prefers Sally to Laura's cousin, Donna. Writers: Garry Marshall, Jerry Belson, Director: Jerry Paris Guest Stars: Anthony Eisley, Lyla Graham This episode is an early script from Garry Marshall and Jerry Belson, the talented pair who later turned Neil Simon's Odd Couple into a hit series. Garry Marshall would eventually forge one of the most formidable dynasties in sitcom history with Happy Days and its family of spin-offs in the 1970s. "You can’t make a silk purse out of a sow’s ear. Well, maybe you can, but the pig’d be deaf." 17. The Life and Love of Joe Coogan January 22, 1964 "I've only been in love once and that was a long time ago. As a matter of fact, the girl's name was Laura." - Joe Coogan Rob Petrie: I just don't see why a happily married woman has to keep a box full of strange love sonnets hidden down in her basement. Laura Petrie: They're not HIDDEN in the basement. Rob Petrie: They're not? I didn't see any shoebox down there. Laura Petrie: Well, you're just not very observant, that's all, 'cause they're... lying right there. Rob Petrie: Where? Laura Petrie: By the furnace. Rob Petrie: There's no shoebox by that furnace. Laura Petrie: Well, they're there. They're... right behind some loose bricks. Laura Petrie: Why did I only keep Joe Coogan's love sonnets and not Phillip Cabot's or Jim Darling's? Millie Helper: Did they wrote you sonnets too? Laura Petrie: No. Millie Helper: Well, maybe that's why. Sally: Where's this tall, good-looking . . . (sees his collar) PRIEST! you wanted me to meet? Rob, Buddy and Mel enjoy a round of golf with a stray fourth they met at the club named Joe Coogan. Tall and good looking Joe mentions that he is single, has never been married but was in love once while in college, to a woman named Laura. As Rob and Joe talk, Rob quickly realizes that Joe's Laura is also his Laura, which he keeps to himself and doesn't tell Joe. Later when Rob confronts Laura about why she never mentioned Joe, Laura lets it slip that she's secretly kept some mementos of her relationship with Joe, namely love sonnets he wrote to her stashed in a shoebox in the basement. Rob is overcome with jealousy and questions why she saved his old love poems. Wondering herself why she saved the poems Laura, with Millie in tow, decides to run into Joe "accidentally" at the golf course. Writer: Carl Reiner, Director: Jerry Paris Guest Stars: Michael Forrest, Johnny Silver "I had an aunt, waited so long for her ship to come in, her pier collapsed." 18. A Nice Friendly Game of Cards January 29, 1964 "Look, Ritchie, when you cheat to win, that's naughty, but when you cheat to lose... it's ridiculous." - Rob Petrie Rob is a big winner in poker, though it nearly costs him his friends after they discover he's been dealing from a marked deck. Writer: Ernest Chambers, Director: Howard Morris Guest Stars: Edward C. Platt, Shirley Mitchell During the poker game, Beth says she has three queens. Lou is upset at having only jacks over tens, which is a full house. A full house beats three of a kind in poker. He should win the hand, but in the show she wins the hand. Maybe he was supposed to say "jacks and tens," which is only two pair, but blew his line. Guest star Ed Platt will be forever and fondly remembered as Don Adams' foil on the popular Mel Brooks/Buck Henry spy series Get Smart (1965). Character actor Platt (also billed as Edward C. Platt) had been around for two decades prior to copping that rare comedy role. Born in Staten Island, New York, he inherited an appreciation of music on his mother's side. He majored in romantic languages at Princeton University but left a year later to study at the Conservatory of Music in Cincinnati after his thoughts turned to a possible operatic career. He later was accepted into Juilliard. Early in his career Platt became a band vocalist with Paul Whiteman and Orchestra. He then sang bass as part of the Mozart Opera Company in New York, and with the Gilbert and Sullivan Opera Company in 1942, he appeared in the operettas "The Mikado," "The Gondoliers" and "The Pirates of Penzance". During WWII Platt served as a radio operator with the army and would find himself on radio again in the post-war years where his deep, resonant voice proved ideal. A number of musical comedy roles also came his way again. In 1947, he made it to Broadway with the musical "Allegro." Star José Ferrer took an interest in Ed while they both were appearing in "The Shrike" on Broadway in 1952. Around 1953, Edward moved to Texas to be near his brother and began anchoring the local news and kiddie birthday party show called "Uncle Eddie's Kiddie Party." Ferrer remembered Platt and invited him to Hollywood where Ferrer was starring in the film version of The Shrike (1955). Ed recreated his stage role. He also earned fine notices as James Dean's understanding juvenile officer in the classic film Rebel Without a Cause (1955). This led to a plethora of film and TV support offers where the balding actor made fine use of his dark, rich voice, stern intensity and pragmatic air, portraying a slew of professional and shady types in crime yarns, soap dramas and war pictures, everything from principals and prosecutors to mobsters and murderers. After years of playing it serious, which included stints on the daytime drama General Hospital (1963), Ed finally was able to focus on comedy as "The Chief" to Don Adams klutzy secret agent on Get Smart (1965), a show that inevitably found a cult audience. Picking up a few occasional guest spots in its aftermath, he later tried producing. He was married twice and the father of four. He died in 1974 at the age of 58. Platt's death was originally reported as a heart attack. However, one of his sons later confirmed that Platt committed suicide after suffering from an undiagnosed and untreated depression that was further sparked by financial troubles. 19. Happy Birthday and Too Many More February 5, 1964 "Rob, do you know that my cousin spent fifty bucks for a clown for a kid's birthday?" - Sally Rogers "You're kiddin'? We didn't even have a clown at my wedding." - Buddy Sorrell "But sure you did. YOU were there." - Sally Rogers After Rob scotches Laura's elaborate plans for Ritchie's birthday party, he faces the challenge of entertaining sixty-three screaming kids in the Petrie living room. Writers: Bill Persky, Sam Denoff, Director: Jerry Paris Guest Stars: Michael Chulay, Cornell Chulay, Brendan Freeman, Tony Paris, Johnny Silver This was the second of two episodes that was not filmed and shot in front of a live audience. The other was The Dick Van Dyke Show: The Bad Old Days (1962). In the middle of rehearsals for this show, the cast and crew got the news that President John F. Kennedy had been assassinated, in Dallas, Texas, on Friday, November 22nd, 1963. The cast then decided to go ahead and film the show, but without a studio audience present. The feeling was that no one would be in the mood to laugh at such a sombre and saddened time period. "You know somethin'? We could never get my potatoes to race, and we used to whip 'em till the eyes would water." 20. The Brave and the Backache February 12, 1964 "Rob, you found out something! What did you find out? No. No. Never mind. You're right. It's none of my business. Laura, you call me later and tell me what he found out." - Millie Helper The Helpers once again offer Rob and Laura a free weekend at a cottage at Lake Sissimanounou. Since Rob has always come down with some ailment every other time the cottage has been offered to them Laura is convinced that Rob's recurring backache is a subconscious sign that he really doesn't want to spend the weekend alone with her. Writers: Sheldon Keller, Howard Merrill, Director: Jerry Paris Guest Stars: Ken Berry, Ross Elliott There is no definitive spelling of the lake where Laura wants to take Rob (made up just for this story). Variously on the Internet you will find it spelled as Lake Sissy Manunu, Lake Sisimanunu, Lake Sissimanunu, Lake Sissy Manoonoo, Lake Sissy-Manunu, and Lake Sissimanounou. 21. The Pen Is Mightier Than the Mouth February 19, 1964 "Listen, if any of you out there have a lazy brother, an unemployed uncle or a nutty nephew, you send 'em to me!" - Sally Rogers Sally considers leaving her job on The Alan Brady Show and Buddy and Rob are left writing the script alone when she becomes a hit as a regular guest on late night talk show. Writers: Bill Persky, Sam Denoff, Director: Jerry Paris Guest Stars: Dick Patterson, Herb Vigran, Johnny Silver 22. My Part-Time Wife February 26, 1964 "Honey, I just don't think you and I would be happy as marriage partners and as business partners." - Rob Petrie "Isn't that silly, darling? Don't you realize that in the office you'd be the boss?" - Laura Petrie With Sally's continued leave of absence to appear on The Stevie Parsons Show as his permanent guest, Rob needs someone, temporarily at least, to do the typing at the office. After failed secretary after failed secretary (including Alan's giggly niece Jackie), Rob finally relents and lets Laura help at the office. Writers: Bill Persky, Sam Denoff, Director: Jerry Paris Guest Star: Jackie Joseph When at the office where Laura thinks up the joke about digging to the center of the earth to see if it is chewy or creamy chocolate, one camera angle features Rob and Buddy bantering back and forth (the dartboard and plaque on the wall behind them). A shadow at the top of the wall above the heads of the two men reveals the form of the boom microphone swinging back and forth in the direction of each actor as he speaks. 23. Honeymoons Are for the Lucky March 4, 1964 "Rob, I know you'll do the right thing, but... whatever it is, don't get caught, please." - Laura Petrie Rob recalls how he and Laura spent their honeymoon in a dilapidated wedding suite when he went AWOL from Camp Crowder. Writer: Carl Reiner, Director: Jerry Paris Guest Stars: Johnny Silver, Kathleen Freeman, Allan Melvin, Peter Hobbs Pictured below, rare behind the sceens photos of Mary Tyler Moore and Dick Van Dyke during a rehearsal for the episode Honeymoons Are For the Lucky, (1964) 24. How to Spank a Star March 11, 1964 "Miss Marshall, I shall look forward again someday to perhaps almost working with you." - Mel Cooley A manipulative, sultry, but spoiled, guest star has Mel replaced by Rob as producer during her appearance on the Alan Brady Show, much to Rob's discomfort and the ire of a slightly jealous Laura. Writers: Nathaniel Curtis, Bill Idelson, Director: Jerry Paris Guest Star: Lola Albright 25. The Plots Thicken March 18, 1964 "Hey, how 'bout that. We're a two-plot family now." - Rob Petrie The Petries are caught in a raging debate as their in-laws fight to determine where Rob and Laura will make their final resting place. Writers: Carl Reiner, Bill Persky, Sam Denoff, Director: Jerry Paris Guest Stars: J. Pat O'Malley, Isabel Randolph, Geraldine Wall, Carl Benton Reid 26. Scratch My Car and Die March 25, 1964 "Look, before ya tell him the truth, give lying another chance, okay?" - Millie Helper Rob is obsessed with his new sports car, which doesn't make it any easier for Laura to confess when she brings it home with a brand-new scratch. Writer: John Whedon, Director: Howard Morris Dick Van Dyke had a similar weakness for fancy sports cars. When the episode was written, he had recently indulged himself with the purchase of a Jaguar XKE. "You know what's wrong with bucket seats? Everybody got a different size bucket." 27. The Return of Edwin Carp April 1, 1964 "I have a theory about television, sir." - Edwin Carp "What's that?" - Rob Petrie "I don't believe it is possible." - Edwin Carp Rob attempts to coax a legendary radio star out of retirement for a guest spot on a TV special. Writer: Carl Reiner, Director: Howard Morris Guest Stars: Richard Haydn, Arlene Harris, Bert Gordon Although Rob mentions seeking out Myrt & Marge (popular on radio in 1932-46) for his television cavalcade of radio personalities, they are the only act he doesn't get and about whom nothing further is said or seen. Given that the actress who played Marge had long been deceased, the line may simply have been added for a bit more authenticity. Actual radio personalities Bert Gordon, who portrayed a character called the Mad Russian, and comedy monologist Arlene Harris appear as themselves. Arlene Harris (1897 - 1976, bottom left) was born in Toronto, Ontario, Canada. She was an actress, known for Hitchhike to Happiness (1945), The Main Street Kid (1948) and One Exciting Week (1946) She achieved old-time-radio stardom as "The Chatterbox," which she recreated as part of her appearance on this episode of The Dick Van Dyke Show. Bert Gordon (1895 - 1974, top left) appeared throughout the early 40's in films and on radio as his character "The Mad Russian." The actor's character was known for his "steel wool" haircut and ears which wiggled, but, most of all, for his famous tag lines, "How do you do!" and "Do you mean it?". These lines and Gordon's caricature even appeared in several Warner Bros. cartoons of the period. Amzie Strickland (1919 - 2006), the woman who plays Edwin Carp's mother was, in real life, fourteen years younger than Richard Haydn who played Carp. Strickland began her illustrious career as a film extra in 1937 just one week after she celebrated her eighteenth birthday and remained active in the profession until her 2001 retirement. She worked straight from 1937 to 2001, and never took a year off from any project she was given (a rare feat for any actress past or present). She was a prolific performer in TV commercials and a voice actress in some 3,000 radio shows and made guest appearances on both The Twilight Zone (1959) and The Twilight Zone (1985). 28. October Eve April 1, 1964 "I painted you as a goddess and you're acting like a peasant!" - Sergei Carpetna Laura once commissioned an artist named Sergei Carpetna for a fully clothed portrait of herself, which he, taking artist license, rendered nude and now has standing in an art gallery for all to see. A classic episode that features Carl Reiner in one of his best guest roles, as the newly respectable bohemian artist Serge Carpetna. Writers: Bill Persky, Sam Denoff, Director: Jerry Paris Guest Stars: Carl Reiner, Howard Wendell, Genevieve Griffin The title of this episode is an allusion to the painting "September Morn" by Paul Chabas. This painting of a young woman bathing outdoors was considered scandalous when it was shown in the United States in 1913. 29. Dear Mrs. Petrie, Your Husband Is in Jail April 15, 1964 "Oh, it'll be all right. Everybody ends up in my dressing room." - Maureen Core With Laura out of town for a few days, Rob tries to figure out what to do in his spare time. Eventually, he looks in on an old Army buddy, who is at a nightclub. Unfortunately, it results in confusion that ultimately lands Rob behind bars. Writers: Jerry Belson, Garry Marshall, Director: Jerry Paris Guest Stars: Herkie Styles, Barbara Stuart, Jackie Joseph, Johnny Silver, Art Batanides, Henry Scott 30. My Neighbor's Husband's Other Life April 22, 1964 "Honey, I saw her legs when they came in, and those were not the legs of a floozy." - Rob Petrie Laura and Rob suspect the worst after they spot Jerry having dinner at a fancy restaurant with a beautiful blonde. Writers: Carl Reiner, Bill Persky, Sam Denoff, Director: Jerry Paris Guest Star: Johnny Silver 31. I'd Rather Be Bald Than Have No Head at All April 29, 1964 "Honey, I don't care if the frost is on the pumpkin. I want you to wake up for just a second." - Rob Petrie Worried that he might be going prematurely bald, Rob uses a dubious homemade remedy formulated by Buddy's barber. After sleeping all night with the remedy on his head Rob wakes up dreaming. Or is he? Writers: Bill Persky, Sam Denoff, Director: Jerry Paris Guest Star: Ned Glass 32. Teacher's Petrie May 13, 1964 ""And as the bullet ripped through his guts, splattering blood all over the walls and ceiling, Johnny Moxie breathed his last rotten breath. Marian looked at the gaping hole in his ugly, drunken body and said, 'Johnny Moxie, you stink!'" - Miss Prinder [reading her story] Laura takes a creative writing course, and the teacher extols Laura's writing abilities. Rob infers from this unwarranted attention that Mr. Caldwell is using Laura to meet him. In fact, Mr. Caldwell's interest is only in Laura. Writers: Jerry Belson, Garry Marshall, Director: Jerry Paris Guest Stars: Bernard Fox, Cheerio Meredith Buddy says there were more laughs in his bar mitzvah speech than in Laura's essay. Later on in the fifth season, Buddy takes lessons for his bar mitzvah which he never had. slideshow THE DICK VAN DYKE SHOW - START PAGE THE DICK VAN DYKE SHOW - SEASON ONE THE DICK VAN DYKE SHOW - SEASON TWO THE DICK VAN DYKE SHOW - SEASON THREE THE DICK VAN DYKE SHOW - SEASON FOUR THE DICK VAN DYKE SHOW - SEASON FIVE BACK TO NEAT STUFF HALL OF FAME MAIN PAGE