Oh, dear me! Surely you don't think I'd joke about such a serious matter as that, do you?

And now, people of Gotham City, the moment you have all been waiting for. The grand finale! The climax of my performance! The zenith of my career! The unmasking of Batman and Robin the Boy Wonder!

Egads! What sorcery is this? There was enough paralyzing gas in that cork to keep ordinary men unconscious for hours!

Are you listening out there, Fatman and Boy Blunder?

Trusting little wench, aren't you?

Oh, thank heavens for my delicious sense of humor.

Hello kiddies, meet the Joker!

Have a sneeze on me, Batman!

Well, well, now I must say, this is an expected pleasure.

There. My funny-ray has neutralized the gadgets in your utility belts for at least an hour!

Egads! I'm deflated!

Quick! To the Jokemobile!

Ahh! This is an outrage! An outrage against art!

Well, what can you expect from a man who appears in public in such a ridiculous outfit?

Egads. The tide is turing against us!

What's the matter with you, Batman? I'm the funny man around here!

I'll see that that is properly engraved on your tombstone.

Why, you waddling little pipsqueak.

I'll have it! By all the saints of wicked mirth, I'll have it! The last laugh will still be mine!

My newest artistic creation: the Mobile. Too bad that chickenhearted Batman isn't hear to die on it.

You anglo-fink! I'll smash you to smidgens!

Ohhh! You can say that over the phone, Batman. But if I had you here, I'd pound you to a pulp!

Oh, but of course, my dear. The Joker is nothing if not magnanimous.

A funny thing, isn't it? That I know more than you've forgotten!

She's kidnapping me, honest!

Ten dollars, hm? I used to light my cigars with ten dollar bills, heh!

Ooh, that's the first time I ever heard a cat purr in French.

This is a unique experience. I've thrilled many a woman, Batgirl, but I never sent one completely in orbit before.

Yes, but on the wrong planet. I wanted to rule the world from Mars. I like the looks of that place.

Now hear this! Now hear this! Blow all tanks! Surface! Surface!

Have you heard this one? It'll kill you, Batman!

A joke a day, keeps the gloom away!

Where does he get those wonderful toys?

Tell me something, my friend. You ever dance with the devil in the pale moonlight? I always ask that of all my prey. I just... like the sound of it.

Do I look like I'm joking?

Never rub another man's rhubarb.

Batman... Batman... Can somebody tell me what kind of a world we live in, where a man dressed up as a bat gets all of my press? This town needs an enema!

The pen, is truly mightier than the sword!

I'm only laughing on the outside / My smile is just skin deep / If you could see inside I'm really crying / You might join me for a weep.

I've been dead once already. It's very liberating. You should think of it as, uh... therapy.

Haven't you ever heard of the healing power of laughter?

Now comes the part where I relieve you, the little people, of the burden of your failed and useless lives. But, as my plastic surgeon always said: if you gotta go, go with a smile.

Jack? Jack is dead, my friend. You can call me... Joker. And as you can see, I'm a lot happier.

As though we were made for each other... Beauty and the Beast. Of course, if anyone else calls you beast, I'll rip their lungs out.

I now do what other people only dream. I make art until someone dies. See? I am the world's first fully functioning homicidal artist.

I have given a name to my pain, and it is Batman.

And now, folks, it's time for "Who do you trust!" Hubba, hubba, hubba! Money, money, money! Who do you trust? Me? I'm giving away free money. And where is the Batman? HE'S AT HOME WASHING HIS TIGHTS!

Grease 'em now? Well, OK. You are a vicious bastard Rotelli, and, uh, I'm glad you're dead!

My balloons. Those are my balloons. He stole my balloons!

I'm gonna need a minute or two alone, boys.

Ah! Now that's good work! The skulls... the bodies... you give it all such a glow! I don't know if it's art, but I like it!

Oh, there'll be a hot time in the old town tonight.

Whoo! Whoo! Oh, I got a live one here.

Life's been good to me.

And Bob... Remember... you... are my number one... guy!

Hey, bat-brain, I mean, I was a kid when I killed your parents. I mean, I say "I made you" you gotta say "you made me." I mean, how childish can you get?

Sometimes I just kill myself!

New and improved Joker products! With a new secret ingredient: Smylex.

Come on, you gruesome son of a bitch! Come to me. Ha ha ha ha ha ha! Come on!

It can be truly said, that I have a bat in my belfry. Shall we dance?

Why is it everytime I come for you somebody always gets in the way?

Well, Miss Vale, another rooster in the henhouse.

Well I'm in trouble now.

Gotham City. Always brings a smile to my face.

Oh, little song, little dance. Batman's head on a lance.

Well, I'm no Picasso, but do you like it?

Hello, Vinny. It's your Uncle Bingo. Time to pay the check!

At midnight, I will dump twenty million in cash on the crowd. Don't worry about me, I've got enough. You heard it, folks. 20 million. And there will be entertainment. The big du karoo. With me in one corner and in the other corner, the man who has brought real terror to Gotham City, Batman. Can you hear me? Just the two of us; you and me. Mano e mano. I've taken off my makeup. Now... let's see if you can take off yours.

Uh, Vicki, we've really got to have a talk. I'm very upset. We were having dinner. I was a man doing well with a beautiful woman. And without so much as an apology, you ran off with that sideshow phony.

It's time to retire! Feel free to drop in.

Wait till they get a load of me!

What are you laughin' at?

You see, I'm a guy of simple taste. I enjoy dynamite, and gunpowder, and gasoline!

It's simple. We, uh, kill the Batman.

If you're good at something, never do it for free.

I don't, I don't want to kill you! What would I do without you? Go back to ripping off mob dealers? No, no, NO! No. You... you... complete me.

I had a vision, of a world without Batman.

We really should stop this fighting, otherwise we'll miss the fireworks!

You know, you remind me of my father. I hated my father!

Don't talk like one of them. You're not! Even if you'd like to be. To them, you're just a freak, like me!

I took Gotham's white knight and I brought him down to our level. It wasn't hard. You see, madness, as you know, is like gravity. All it takes is a little push!

Do I really look like a guy with a plan?

Introduce a little anarchy. Upset the established order, and everything becomes chaos. I'm an agent of chaos. Oh, and you know the thing about chaos? It's fair!

How about a magic trick?

They're only as good as the world allows them to be. I'll show you. When the chips are down, these... these civilized people, they'll eat each other. See, I'm not a monster. I'm just ahead of the curve.

Ta-daa! It's... it's gone.

You know what I am? I'm a dog chasing cars. I wouldn't know what to do with one if I caught it! You know, I just... do things.

Why so serious?

Do you want to know why I use a knife? Guns are too quick. You can't savor all the... little emotions. In... you see, in their last moments, people show you who they really are. So in a way, I know your friends better than you ever did. Would you like to know which of them were cowards?

All you care about is money. This city deserves a better class of criminal. And I'm gonna give it to them!

I just did what I do best. I took your little plan and I turned it on itself.

Oh, you. You just couldn't let me go, could you? This is what happens when an unstoppable force meets an immovable object. You truly are incorruptible, aren't you? You won't kill me out of some misplaced sense of self-righteousness. And I won't kill you because you're just too much fun. I think you and I are destined to do this forever.

Oh, you look nervous. Is it the scars? You want to know how I got 'em?

Can't rely on anyone these days, you have to do everything yourself, don't we!

Come on, I want you to do it, I want you to do it. Come on, hit me. Hit me!

This is how crazy Batman's made Gotham! You want order in Gotham? Batman must take off his mask and turn himself in. Oh, and every day he doesn't, people will die. Starting tonight. I'm a man of my word.

It's not about money... its about sending a message.

And I thought my jokes were bad.

Tell your men they work for me now. This is my city.

How was I to know they'd have a can of shark-repellent Batspray handy?

Oh, great heavenly sunshades. I have it! It's a fantastical scheme. It's hatched, full blown. U-Day. U for Umbrella day. What a dazzling plot!

So this is the end of my fiendish, well-laid plan is it?

Now lets toss the costumes corpses over the pier. To the sharks with them.

Great blubbering whale oil! They've evaporated!

Mirror, mirror on the wall, who's the fairest fink of all?

Thundering feathers!

Who, me? The Penguin married and kept in a bathtub?

Great quivering icebergs! Take me to prison!

Close your gills.

The finish for them, not for us, my quacking cohorts. But they're not captured yet. If I may coin a phrase: there's many a slip, so zipper your lip.

They're still breathing. How in the name of purple wombats do they manage that?

But it can't be. We gassed you at the party.

Politics is wonderful! I can use all my lowest, slurpiest tricks, but now they're legal! I should have been a politician years ago!

Citizen Penguin to the rescue!

Foul play in our fair city!

So, old pointy ears has thrown his cowl into the ring, huh? Good! Once and for all I'll settle matters with that masked moron.

Plenty of girls and bands and slogans and lots of hoopla, but remember, no politics. Issues confuse people.

Tut-tut, Wonder Midget!

And you tell that Irish stooge of yours that his next job will be shining the shoes of the new police chief... The Joker!

Hello Commissioner? This is the next mayor of Gotham City speaking.

I just want to tell you you're not to worry about your job. See, I'm appointing the Riddler new Commissioner of police, and he's promised to give you back your old job.

Now, which man do you want to run Gotham City? A man like myself who is always in the company of the law, or a man like Batman who rubs elbows with the worst elements of this city and who is undoubtedly a desperate criminal himself?

Oh, no! No! What about the underprivileged criminals?

Women of America, beware! Don Juan Penguin is on the lose!

I'll wipe those silly smirks off your faces in court! I'll sue you for assault and battery, and aggravated interference!

Stop, you bumbling buffoons! This is legal, I tell you! It's legal!

Thanks for the compliment, Boy Bigmouth.

I knew you when you'd steal the braces from other kids teeth.

Nobody catches the Penguin sleeping, Dynamic Dreamers!

Hello, World League of Nations? I'd like to buy a country. What have you got? No! I don't want that one, I'm allergic to Vodka.

Careful, careful, every one of them has a mother.

Shut up, you feline floozy!

Waugh waugh!

You cowardly kitten! You want to live forever?

Now hear this, now hear this. This is your Captain speaking. My fine pinioned pirates, we're approaching the tricky buoy! Sharpen your cutlasses! There may be skullduggery ahead!

I believe the word you're looking for is... Aaahh!

Why is there always someone who brings eggs and tomatoes to a speech?

Ah, the direct approach. I admire that in a man with a mask.

And you're the hottest young person a role-model could have.

You're Beauty and the Beast in one luscious Christmas gift pack.

You don't really think you'll win, do you?

You gotta admit I played this stinkin' city like a harp from hell.

My dear penguins, we stand on a great threshold! It's okay to be scared; many of you won't be coming back. Thanks to Batman, the time has come to punish all God's children!

You didn't invite me, so I CRASHED!

Don't adjust your sets. Welcome to the Oswald Cobblepot school of driving. Gentlemen, start your screaming!

Maybe this is a bad time to mention this, but my license has expired!

They wouldn't put me on a pedestal, so I'm layin' 'em on a slab!

The heat's getting to me. I'll murder you momentarily. But first, I need a cold drink of ice water.

I saw her first... gotta fly!

Sounds familiar. Appetite for destruction? Contempt for the czars of fashion? Wait, don't tell me... naked sexual charisma.

Just the pussy I've been lookin' for!

You lousy minx! I oughta have you spayed!

I'd like to fill her void.

Scented or unscented?

Still... could be worse. My nose could be gushing blood.

Say cheese!

My name is not Oswald! It's Penguin! I am not a human being. I am an animal! Cold-blooded!

Did you miss me?

Just relax. I'll take care of the squealing, wretched, pinhead puppets of Gotham!

Those names are not for prying eyes. Hey, why should I trust some cat-broad, anyway? Maybe you're just a screwed-up sorority chick who's gettin' back at her daddy for not buying her that pony when she turned sweet sixteen.

You're coming with me, ya great white dope, to die way down in the sewer!

She looked pretty scared to me!

Things change.

What you hide, I discover. What you put in your toilet, I place on my mantle. Get the picture?

Check it out. We're gonna disassemble his Batmobile and turn it into an H-bomb on wheels.

You're just jealous, because I'm a genuine freak and you have to wear a mask!

But when it comes down to it, who's holding the umbrella?

A plan is forming.

True. I was their number one son, and they treated me like number two.

Burn baby, burn!

Rats with wings do your thing.

Actually, this is all just a bad dream. You're at home, in bed, heavily sedated, resting comfortably, dying from the carcinogens you personally spewed in a lifetime of profiteering. Tragic irony or poetic justice, you tell me.

He didn't even lose a limb! An eyeball! Bladder control!

Oh, but you can! Oh, but you will!

Riddle me this, Batman!

Now my good rats, now is the time to the Royal Mushroom Club. If plan 13-Z goes well, and I'm sure it will, the finest achievement in crime shall be culminated tonight. The end of Batman and Robin!

To quote an old axiom: the finer the bait, the shorter the wait.

There are four of us against the two of you, but we're not afraid.

My friends, plan 1-36 triple A is about to begin.

I've... been out-riddled!

Yes, it's my own concoction, I call it: Dr. Riddler's instant forever stick invisble wax emulsion.

We'd better get our everyday clothes back on, we look too suspicious this way.

You pernicious pipsqueak! You're in no position to threaten anyone! Put him on the rack.

With money, who needs friends?

A crime is no fun without riddles. I'll have you know that's the main reason I took up this crime game.

Batman! You may have won the battle... but the war isn't over yet!

Get them, boys!... Get them, or we'll never make it to the border!

Batgirls wilt just as quickly as other women!

I thought my broadcast would put the dynamic decimal points on you track, but Batgirl will work just as well.

When is a prize fight like a beautiful lady? Answer : When it's a knockout.

I see the way to do it! We'll play each of our treacherous trumps in one hand, and we'll do it right here!

We shall spring them from The Joker's Jack-In-The-Box, through that window, out over the sea, and into the waiting arms of The Penguin's Exploding Octopus! The trigger: one of my riddles, of course, and the bait: You! Catwoman!

They've already been through one of his fishy explosions, and yet they're still very much alive!

Question: Who's going to make the feathers fly and knock Batman and Robin out of the sky?

Oh, but I must, I must! Why, outwitting Batman is my sole delight, my heaven on earth, my very paradise!

Why, that miserable waddling mountebank of a bird? He couldn't finish a bag of popcorn!

Ha ha! What a marvelous piece of riddling genius that was! But I've only started with the Caped Crusaders. I'm going to confound them with conundrums, unnerve them with enigmas, perplex them with puzzles... until they wish they were dead.

That mealy mouthed faker. Issued a joint statement with Batman and Robin, did he? Ha ha! Well he knows and we know that the caked crusaders are defunct, departerted, demised... dead!

You've made the mistake of being predictable yourselves, with your legendary window entrances.

You want me to pay three million dollars for an eighty-nine cent pencil flashlight?

Riddle me this, riddle me that, who's afraid of the big, black bat?

Don't kill him! If you kill him, he won't learn nothin'!

YOU SUNK MY BATTLE SHIP!

Has anybody ever told you you have a SERIOUS IMPULSE-CONTROL PROBLEM?

Well, you could have let me in on the caper. We could have organized this, planned it... pre-sold the movie rights.

You're ruining my big party! Are you insane?

Your entrance was good. His was better. The difference: showmanship!

Surfs up, Big Kahona!

Please! You're as blind as a bat!

Why? Why can't I kill you? Too many questions. Too many questions.

Riddle me this, what sort of a man has bats on the brain? Go ahead, you can say it.

I'm... COUNTING ON IT!

Oh, stop!

Hey Two-Face, show me how to punch a guy!

For if knowledge is power, then a god am... I! Was that over the top? I can never tell.

Joygasm!

Oh, there's more. But only the first one's free. Here's the bargain: you will help me steal production capital, so I can put a Box on every TV in town. So I can become Gotham's cleverest carbon-based life-form! And in return... is everybody paying attention? I will help you solve the greatest riddle of all... the mother of all riddles: Who is Batman?

Like the jacket? It keeps me safe when I'm... jogging at night!

Just a friend. But you can call me... the Riddler.

By the way, that's never gonna heal if you don't stop picking.

Just think of it, a few bullets hit home, a quick splash of blood, and then what? Wet hands... post-homicidal depression.

I can help you get Batman. That is if you'll spare my life for just a few moments.

What have we got for him, Johnny?

If you look at the numbers on my face you won't find 13 anyplace.

Victory is inevitable.

I'm having a breakthrough! And a breakdown? Maybe! Nevertheless, I'm smarter. I'm a genius. No, several geniuses! A gaggle! A swarm! A flock of freakin' Freuds!

OK. Now, if I was a superhero, where would I hide?

I've seen your mind. Freak! Yours is the greatest riddle of all! Can Bruce Wayne and Batman ever truly coexist? We'll find out today

Fatman's one and only partner! This acrobat turned orphan like Saturday morning cartoons and dreams one day being... bare naked with a girl!

For me? Really?

Tell the fat lady she's on in five.

This is your brain on the box. This is my brain on the box. Does anybody else feel like a fried egg?

This is your captain speaking. Please remain in your seats, we will be experiencing... turbulence!

Intruder alert. Intruder alert. SHUT UP!

You can brush my pussy willows before you leave. And don't go against the fur.

If you pick the right door, I'm yours, Batman. If you pick the wrong door, you're mine. So which is it, Batman? The lady or the tiger?

Aw, is that any way to greet an old friend, Batman? Not even a "hello, how are you"? Teach him some manners, fellas!

Ta ta for now. I'm off to pluck Robin's feathers.

I didn't know you could yodel!

Ah, my tenacious teenager, you have a lot to learn.

The early cat catches the bat-man.

It's too bad it had to end now, guys. But look at it this way: you will have starred in a new show. Bat on a hot tin roof!

Enough. Enough! Cease this... fiddle-dee-dee.

Watch your language, knave! Remember I'm a lady!

Now, pay attention: it's time for your lesson in window-jimmying. After this, we'll have a short recess, and discuss Batman and Robin's upcoming funeral.

Are you Miss Minerva Mathews, the well-known wealthy recluse?

I'll be an old tabby by then.

Maybe we could set you up with Robin. No, he's to young. At that age all they care about is baseball.

If I were to kiss you, would you think I was a... bad girl?

Beg. Beg for your mortal existence.

We could make such beautiful music together...

All right, men, destroy the Dynamic Duo!

Naughty, naughty, Commissioner! Let's keep your blue-coated buffoons outside!

Agh! Just... get the money and run!

This is a surprise attack! Now, you all have your instructions... synchronize watches!

It's a new explosive that makes no noise. It's called 'silentmite'.

But I could help you in your work. As a former criminal, I'd be invaluable. I can reform, honestly I can.

Fools. Don't they know that tears are a woman's most effective weapon?

Unfortunately, among his many other attributes, Batman is probably the world's greatest escape artist.

There no room for another man in my life, Mr. Wayne. You're nice, but my heart belongs to Batman.

Batman, let's throw caution to the wind. I mean after all we are two adult human beings and we're both interested in the same thing. Happiness. I can give you more happiness than anyone in the world.

I am sure you recognize this as a variation of the legendary Chinese water torture. When I throw that switch, the noise will become excruciating... and your eardrums will be shattered. Shortly folling that, your brains will be turned into yeccchhh!

Let's put something straight: Catwoman is top dog around here, and let's not forget it, Eenie!

When we complete this caper, we're gonna have enough money to keep us in catnip forever.

Now, if you'll all assume positions of subservience, we can complete this caper with a minimum of jeopardy and danger to all.

I'll have him killed. Painlessly. Well he is a bit of a bore with his 'holy this' and 'holy that'.

In the fur.

Karate isn't effective unless accompanied by yelling. Let him howl until he springs a vocal cord, then get him!

No hero worth his salt would let a lady expire. It's foolproof I tell you - purrrfectly foolproof.

Crimefighters should be seen and not heard.

You better pray that Batman is a man-man more than he is a police-man.

How can Batgirl be the best anything when Catwoman is around?

No Best Dressed list is complete without the addition of the Queen of Criminals, the Princess of Plunder, yours untruly.

Yes, my dear, you will make a purrrfect pinafore - the type of garment no one will recognize you in, or as... if you'll pardon a final cutting remark.

Sorry, Queenie, but I'm anti-social.

Get in this car or I'll blow whatever little brains you have, out!

You're going to see the purr-fect crime, when I get Batman in my claws!

You dismal bird! You and your submarine, Where has it got us now?

United Underworld! Heh! We're about as united as the United World Organization on Gotham East River. What's the matter with you all?

Riddler! Joker! Do something! We weren't meant for a watery grave, DO SOMETHING!

I am Catwoman. Hear me roar.

But a kiss can be even deadlier if you mean it. You're the second man who killed me this week, but I've got seven lives left.

A kiss under the mistletoe. You know, mistletoe can be deadly if you eat it.

You're catnip to a girl like me. Handsome, dazed, and to die for.

Honey, I'm home. Oh, I forgot. I'm not married.

Somebody say fish? I haven't be fed all day!

As I was saying, I'm a woman and can't be taken for granted. Life's a bitch, now so am I.

Meow.

You killed me... The Penguin killed me... Batman killed me... that's... three lives down. You got enough in there to finish me off?

Because he is Batman, you moron!

Batman. The thorn in both our sides. The fly in our ointment.

It's the so-called "normal" guys who always let you down. Sickos never scare me. Least they're committed.

I don't know about you, Miss Kitty, but I feel so much yummier.

Please. I wouldn't touch you to scratch you.

Bruce... I would - I would love to live with you in your castle... forever, just like in a fairy tale. I just couldn't live with myself, so don't pretend this is a happy ending!

Saved by kitty litter.

No, no, he'd have even more power as a martyr. To destroy Batman, we must first turn him into what he hates the most. Namely us.

Batman napalmed my arm, he knocked me off a building just when I was starting to feel good about myself. I wanna play an integral part in his degradation.

I want in. The thought of busting Batman makes me feel all... dirty. Maybe I'll just give myself a bath right here.

Don't be naive! The law doesn't apply to people like him or us!

My mother warned me about getting into cars with strange men.

There's a storm coming, Mr. Wayne. You and your friends better batten down the hatches, because when it hits, you're all gonna wonder how you ever thought you could live so large and leave so little for the rest of us.

Come with me. Save yourself. You don't owe these people any more. You've given them everything.

I had it under control.

He should be so lucky.

Nobody ever accused me of being dumb!

I want what you owe me!

About the whole no guns thing... I'm not sure I feel as strongly about it as you do.

I'm not bluffing!

Where's the fun in that?

You've gotta be kidding me!

You could have gone anywhere, but you came back.

Well then I guess we're both suckers.

Don't tell me, still in love?

You boys know you can't come into my neighborhood without asking politely.

I take what I need to from those who have more than enough. I don't stand on the shoulders of people with less.

Maybe you're being unrealistic about what's really in your pants other than your wallet.

Careful what you wish for.

What's the matter, Cat got your tongue?

First I toy, then I destroy.

I am sorry, Batman. I wanted to toy with you a little longer. But, das is the way the Ice-cube crumbles.

No, you must PAY for what you did to me, for forcing me to live like this: never again to know the warmth of a summer breeze, never to feel the heat of burning logs in vintertime! Revenge. That is what I need! Revenge! I will have revenge!

Ah, Batman. You still live, but only for a short time. I now have the most precious diamond of all in my possession, and to get it back you must die. Die. Die!

Take your choice, Boy Wonder. Haven't you read the newspapers, Batman, haven't you heard the stories? The public is fickle. You are no longer the great hero of Gotham City. And soon, very soon you'll be hated, despised like me. Wild!

Wild!

Batman? But... but, but, but you were supposed to be a famous frosty freezy by now.

After I'm through with this little business, I'm going to execute my plan for the greatest ice crime in history that will destroy all of Gotham City in a few minutes. And there'll be no Batman und Robin to stop me. And then, my darling Miss Iceland, you're temperature will be down to my temperature and you will become Mrs. Freeze.

This plan is going to be something really wild, boys. Wild!

What's the matter? First the commentator said the stock market went kaput and now the TV set went kaput.

What happened? You're supposed to be frozen.

Allow me to break the ice: My name is Freeze. Learn it well, for it's the chilling sound of your doom.

Cool party!

Hello. Sorry about the door. Is the party over?

Let's kick some ice!

What killed the dinosaurs? The Ice Age!

Stay cool, Birdboy.

Can you be cold, Batman? You have eleven minutes to thaw a bird. What will you do? Chase the villain or save the boy? Your emotions make you weak. That's why this day is mine!

In this universe, there's only one absolute... everything freezes!

Mercy? I'm afraid my condition has left me cold to your pleas of mercy.

Tonight, hell freezes over!

Adam and Evil!

I will blanket the city in endless winter. First Gotham, and then the world.

Tonight's forecast... a freeze is coming!

The Ice Man cometh!

Freeze in hell, Batman!

You're not sending ME to the COOLER!

I hate it when they talk during the movie.

If revenge is a dish best served cold, then put on your Sunday finest. It's time to feast!

I'll kill you next time!

If I must suffer, humanity will suffer with me.

Let me guess, Plant Girl? Vine Lady? Huh? Hand over the diamond Garden Gal, or I'll turn you into mulch!

Bombs away, Batman!

Watch the numbers, Batman, for they are the harbingers of your doom. Can you feel it coming? The icy cold of space! Ahh! At 30,000 feet, your heart will freeze and be no more!

Their bones will turn to ice! Their blood will freeze in my hands!

Take two of these, and call me in the morning.

No matter what anyone tells you, Bane, it really is the size of your gun that counts.

I'm here to make your life a living hell.

Prepare for a bitter harvest. Winter has come at last.

I hope Mr. Bane can swim.

No. I always go a size smaller. Makes me look slimmer.

A laundry service that delivers. Wow!

My passion thaws for my bride alone.

One more giant diamond of this size, then my freeze engine will be complete. Aah. First, I will freeze the city, then I will hold Gotham ransom. Unless the city bows for my demands, it's winter forever in Gotham. The city fathers will have no choice but to give me the billions I need to complete my research, then I can find the cure.

Surprise! I'm you're new cellmate.

I need to get more diamonds from my hideout.

He should be giving my crocodiles indigestion by now!

Tutlings! Sic 'em!

Friends, Egyptians, henchmen, lend me your ears. I come to bury Batman, not to praise him. The evil that men do lives after them. The good is oft interred with their bones, so let it be with Batman.

If the caped crumb is here, the cowled creep can't be far behind.

The gang's all here!

Bubble, bubble, little Bat, at the bottom of the vat. Your wings will dry and soon you'll fly to the great big belfry in the sky.

It isn't that I love you any less, Batman, simply that I love me more.

When we get to the Royal oil boiling room, be sure to prepare some real boiling Royal boiling oil, to boil the Boy Wonder in, royally.

Curse you, Batman. May you fall down a flight of stairs and break every tooth in your head except one and in that may you have a toothache for the rest of your life which won't be very long.

No! No violence. I can't stand violence. But I like torture. Hm, it's good clean fun.

Before this night is out, I shall revel in the sight of a big, crisp, polyunsaturated bat! And that goes for his sickening sidekick, too.

Not even brat-to-bat resuscitation can help him now!

You know, it's against my principles to beat up on ladies, but in your case, I'll make an exception!

He's Batman alright, who else in this present day dynasty could be that square?

Oh, I'll be a son of a Byzantine king. D'you know what that is?

The Batcave is directly under stately Wayne manor.

Oh, I'll be a son of a Byzantine king. D'you know what that is?

Balderdash say I! Stuff and nonsence and fooey. The only way you'll convince me that Batman and Bruce Wayne are not the same person, is to let me see them both simultaniously.

Danger is my middle name.

Indestructible machines, indestructible buildings. I'll build an indestructible empire that no one will be able to destruct!

You're too late, Dynamic Dimwits!

Eggscelent. I might even go as far as to say: eggsquisite.

I for one am eggshausted. It's been a trying day and I must rest my fantastic brain for tonight.

All of you are approximately the right age, in your early thirties, but I have eliminated you, Mr. Tyler, because you are lefthanded. No, the Caped Crusader is not portsider, and you, Mr. Savage, are out because of your accent. So aside from a couple of aging rock-and-roll singers, you, Mr. Wayne, are the only Gotham city millionaire who is athletically inclined with eggsessive agility. Therefore, you must be Batman!

Well, gentlemen, when we capture the caped crime crushers, we will remove their masks and eggspose their faces to the public. Then they'll be out of business. I wonder who they are?

Woe is me, my criminal career is now egg-stinct!

The end, period. I guess I laid an egg.

Give me a break, Batman?

But you are engaged to me! How dare you two-time me. And especially with this caped creep!

Oh really, Commissioner, I wish someone would write you a new line, that one is getting so tired.

What's this? You've captured the Caped Crusaders! Olga, you egg-squisite, diabolical genius!

Quiet, Wonder Midget, or I'll have you cut off permanently!

Do you eggspect me, a, a, a respected arch-criminal to, to fink on my friends like a, like a common stool pigeon?

Oh, I never claimed to be brave, Batgirl. No, I'm, I'm clever and crafty but I'm a complete coward.

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