Quick! To the Batmobile!

Precisely, Robin!

To the Batcave!

To the Batpoles.

Come on, Robin, to the Bat Cave! There's not a moment to lose!

Meantime, let's ponder the crooks motive.

Exactly, which leads to only one possible conclusion:

Hardly a lady, Robin, but female, yes.

Blaze. She's as elusive as a flickering flame.

Great heavens, what a fool I am. Isn't today Wednesday, Alfred?

She's a master illusionist. She projected a false image with those tiny mirrors in her hat.

False Face, you'll regret this... eventually.

Of course, Blaze. Any young girl might follow the wrong impulse. I forgive you.

Not exactly, False Face. You destroyed a false Batmobile. An inflated duplicate that I prepared for just this kind of situation.

I'll stand at the bar. I shouldn't wish to attract attention.

This jokes on you, Riddler!

Out riddled!

Foolish girl. You were so bent on your murderous scheme, you failed to notice. In the Batmobile, I burned off your revolver's firing pin with a hidden Bat-laser beam.

Don't move, I'll get the universal drug antidote.

Here's a joke on you, you fiend!

Poor devil. Forced to live in an air-conditioned suit that keeps his body temperature down to fifty degrees below zero. No wonder his mind is warped.

Naturally you didn't know I was wearing my special super thermal B long underwear.

You tried! That's the true measure of a man. Whether you win or lose, you tried.

Perhaps. Some other lifetime.

I'll never understand why girls like you get involved in things like this.

Jervis Tetch! Your days of crime are over.

Boys and girls, go back to your studies. Believe me: nothing in life is free!

You darken the room, I'll man the projector.

You... you jailhouse lawyer!

That young lady's life isn't worth a plugged lollipop!

No use, Joker! I knew you'd employ your sneezing powder, so I took an Anti-Allergy Pill! Instead of a sneeze, I've caught you, cold!

Bartender, a bit of advice. Always inspect a jukebox carefully. These machines can be deadly.

Of course. Tonight there's a big game: Woodrow Roosevelt against Disco Tech.

That's what easy living gets you, kids. Stick to your books!

You feline devil! What have you done with Robin?

There is more than one way to skin a cat, woman!

I'll be back in three minutes and twenty seconds.

Batman to Gotham City police, Batman to Gotham City police! Red alert, red alert! We are trapped inside a cookbook at 5th & Cedar!

No, I'd rather pay just like any other ordinary citizen.

I'm glad you're up on your foreign languages, Robin, they come in handy when fighting crime.

It won't be long until you're old enough to get a drivers license, Robin. Then you'll be able to drive the Batmobile and other vehicles. Remember: motorist safety.

Robin, you haven't fastened your safety Bat-belt.

Although the Bat-armor protected our car, those land mines blew our tires. Robin, turn on the automatic tire-repair device.

Don't hold that cat so close to your face! Some of the radioactive spray may rub off on you.

I'm always interested in the way the criminal mind works.

Unfortunately you learned your lesson too late, Moth. A Moth that plays around candles is bound to be burned.

Have you seen any unusual looking people around here?

If only the Riddler's inventive mind could be channeled for good, what a better world this would be.

A fitting end for you, Joker.

Like the rest of your criminal ilk, you were never anything but a threatening bag of hot air.

Chief O'Hara, call your men. Cart this human trash away.

Remember: never hit a man with glasses.

Goodbye, Commissioner. Ill be at Wayne Manor faster than anyone can imagine.

We all must do our part. Good citizenship, you know.

Take cover in the side streets! The recipes in this book could be explosive!

Stop! surrender! Give yourself up. Or by all that's holy I might forget myself and do you violence!

The Bat-rope. Grab it with your teeth!

Deep in the entrails of the Earth, Pauline. Where every instrument has been designed to combat crime and snare its perpetrators.

You're about to star in a picture of your very own, Riddler... A very long picture. Title: Up the River!

Remember, Robin: always look both ways.

We prepared ourselves beforehand with anti-Penguin-gas pills.

That's correct, Robin. It's as plain as the masks on our faces.

To the Batboat via Batmobile!

I doff my cowl to you, Maid Marilyn.

Good grammar is essential, Robin.

Oh, Catwoman, Catwoman, will you never learn?

You're very beautiful, Catwoman.

You're attractive, Catwoman, but not that attractive.

Don't lose heart, Robin, here I come!

Come on, Robin. Let's help a little old lady across the street... and into the penitentiary!

I find it only fitting that Clock King, who made times serve his crimes, must now serve time himself.

You put all your eggs in one basket, Egghead, a fatal mistake.

Who are you, citizen?

It means we've got that criminal by his large, grey, double A head!

And if my memory serves me correctly...

The poor devil, he's been assaulted with a root beer bottle!

Life: a cup full of surprises to the last drop.

I want to conduct a campaign that deals with the issues. I'm convinced the American electorate is too mature to be taken in by cheap, vaudeville trickery. After all, if our national leaders were elected on the basis of tricky slogans, brass bands and pretty girls, our country would be in a terrible mess, wouldn't it?

A negative view point sergeant, man has nothing without hope.

Mr. Freeze, I believe.

I took the subway to Wayne station and Batwalked up the road.

We took the precaution of processing our crimefighting costumes with a special Bat-Anti-Freeze-Activating solution.

He who know how to fear, Robin, knows how to proceed with safety. A translation from the Latin.

A grown man like me should be prepared to meet his maker at any time. But not a boy like Robin.

Evil sometimes triumphs temporarily, but never conquers!

Yes, Commissioner. I would have phoned you sooner but I had nothing to report.

As insidious a scheme as could be imagined: extortion via... time...

I'm not even mildly interested.

I just hope it's taught you that diamonds aren't necessarily a girl's best friend, Marsha.

Shame on you, Shame.

You and every other criminal know that I don't carry firearms, Shame.

Courage Robin, keep your mask up!

Let's go, Robin. We've set another youth on the road to a brighter tomorrow.

Yes, citizen, you may return to your harpsichord.

It sticks out like Penguin's nose. For some sinister reason that pompous bird wants to be arrested.

My hunch is right, Robin. It all fits like my glove.

Quick, turn off the automatic costume-change device.

Come, come now, Robin, don't exaggerate. All it takes is a little practice and a bit of patience.

Easy. I've been counting their bullets.

Catwoman, can't you see the folly of your ways? With your beauty and intellect, you can go much further helping your fellow man rather than harming them!

If you can't trust Santa, whom can you trust?

Yes, I'm Batman.

Whenever Joker's involved, who knows when he started or what he started.

They couldn't have, Robin. I had the emergency bat-trunk lock on during the trip.

A wife, no matter how beauteous, or affectionate would severely impair my crimefighting.

You're witnessing the final disintegration of the criminal brain, Robin. Years of outlawry has taken it's inevitable toll.

Decency is everybody's business, Penguin!

I think someone connected with the the Gotham City film decency league should take a look at this script.

All that time we spent on the Remote Control Activator really reaped dividends, Robin.

Fortunately, we were able to reach our utility belts, where we always keep our emergency Bat-airpumps to pump up the Batmobiles tires.

Only the Riddler and his ilk would have such a flagrant disregard for private property. This door will have to be repaired!

So far this puzzle's given us a few minutes of mental exercise, but it still has to provide us with the clue Riddler promised it would provide.

Better three hours too soon than a minute late.

I did think it would all end differently, somehow less ignominiously. To drown in my own anniversary cake.

Could you arrange for the immediate delivery of four one hundred pound sacks of sodium dichlorite to the Batcopter? I'll explain later.

As a duly deputised peace officer I order you to drop that sack and give yourself up.

Checkmate Riddler! Hopefully.

Robin, warm up the Bat-Spot Analyzer while I take a sample of this affected cloth.

Hand me the Bat-detector, Robin.

Simple, Mr. Flamm, even the most infallible robots have one defect: they have no sense of humor.

Love is blind, Commissioner, Bruce Wayne is over 21, I fear there's nothing we can do.

Just a second while I retrieve my beanie, my hair, my tweezers, and my notes.

If that ship gets any closer to that bridge, Robin's done for. Quickly, Alfred, the Anti-Mechanical-Bat-Ray in the Bat-Glove Compartment.

Things like that only happen in the movies, Robin. This is real life.

It's not the machine's fault, old chum. We overlooked one thing when we constructed it - a duel-identity Batsensor.

The next time we're in town, we'll pick up the parts for a duel-identity Batsensor.

You satanic, mad stamp man!

I'm afraid that crime-fighting allows me only the luxury of collecting criminals.

So, Latrodectus mactans, commonly known as Black Widow - caught in your own web, eh?

You didn't count on us, did you? You sophisticated but evil woman?

I never touch spirits. Have you some milk?

He is a she, Robin. Only the female of the species is venomous.

The emergency Bat Pole elevator. Fast thinking, Alfred.

Well, we've managed to clip Catwoman's claws once again. She won't be troubling Gotham City for a long while.

If I were you, Penguin, I'd call 'help', right now.

It's Alfred's emergency belt-buckle Bat-call signal! He's in trouble!

Steaming us to death will do you no good, Penguin, the law will get you in the end.

Whoever she is behind that mask of hers - she helped us out of a dire dilemma.

Beware of strong stimulants, Robin.

Whatever is fair in love and war is also fair in crime-fighting.

I'm sorry we worried you, Alfred, but even the Batmobile's library paste Bat-disolving switch got stuck.

Cleaning up crime is the dream of every good citizen, Batgirl.

Yes, Robin, things are getting even stickier.

I did a little extra-curricular crime-detecting while Dick Grayson was doing his homework.

Come of it, Tut. You're predictions are nothing but phony fatuous flim-flam.

What's it all about, Alfred?

I wonder who she really is.

Go back outside and calm the flower children.

Groovy.

Yes, that's to be expected, Robin. The concept of decency is alien to the criminal mind.

I strongly suspect that this lilac colored card could be... a plant.

I'm afraid we're not going to get much help from the Bat-Computer, Robin. It can't go back to prehistoric times. This is a problem for good old- fashioned brain-power. We'll have to think it out.

There are no fashion shows where you're going, Catwoman.

Ah, ah. Credit where credit is due, Robin, she may be evil, but she... is attractive. You'll learn more about that in a couple of years.

And if we go after Catwoman, Batgirl dies.

It seems we arrived at an opportune moment, Catwoman.

Yes, I always carry some in my utility belt, along with the... Bat-file.

Yes, yes, that's enough talking Batgirl.

Unholy Tartars, Robin.

No, but she's a woman, Robin, with a woman's inborn desire to outsmart men.

What took you so long, Batgirl?

Rules are rules, Robin. But... you do have a point.

Eh, no thank you, Alfred, you know I never mix crime fighting with eating.

Ladies and gentlemen of the jury. [realizing there are no ladies on the jury] Eh, gentlemen of the jury, we are gathered here today, to prove that Catwoman, Joker and their men are guilty of several major offences, to wit: robbery, attempted murder, assault... and battery! Mayhem and over-time parking.

Tell me something, Batgirl, how did you get out of that vat?

Exactly, Robin. This is torture... at it's most bizarre and terrible.

There's no time for that, Robin. We'll use the Portable Batcomputer in the Batmobile.

It's beddy-bye for you, Penguin.

One bite from this fruit fly, Robin, and you might have been asleep for years.

It's always darkest before the dawn, Robin.

It's obvious that you're an innocent miner, alright, you may go.

Breaking world records is just part of crimefighting, Robin.

You wouldn't shoot us in cold blood?

Although I'd proud if he were, this is not my son, this is Robin the Boy Wonder. I'm Batman.

You're heading for the last round-up, Shame. Because of your greed and your avarice. Otherwize you might have realized that good, even though it's sometimes side-tracked... always, repeat: always triumphs over evil.

You're not worthy of the name 'Shame', you're a sham, Shame! Don't ever cry on my tights or pull my leg again.

It's full of misspellings and I'm full of misgivings.

Well Joker, it looks like you've flown your last saucer.

It is the duty of every good citizen of Gotham City to report meeting a man from Mars in a public park - Gotham City Penal Code Section 32, Subsection 14.

Perhaps, we've all been intentionally baffled - the way a magician operates: now you see it, now you don't.

I thought you might eventually notice that. That single statement indicates to me the first oncoming thrust of manhood, old chum.

She isn't even a nurse.

Who knows, Robin? Who ever knows?

We'd like the full treatment, please.

I'm looking forward to Minerva's famous eggplant-jelly vitamin scalp massage.

An apt expression, Robin. Too apt.

With my "Three Second's Flat Bat Vault Combination Unscrambler", Commissioner.

Some days, you just can't get rid of a bomb!

The four of them... Their forces combined...

Who knows, Robin? This strange mixing of minds may be the greatest single service ever performed for humanity! Let's go, but, inconspicuously, through the window. We'll use our Batropes. Our job is finished.

Disposing of pre-atomic submarines to persons who don't even leave their full addresses... Good day, Admiral!

Bon Voyage, Pussy.

Let's hope that it's a stitch in time, Robin, that saves nine - The nine members of the United World Security Council. Come on.

Their minimum objective must be... the entire world.

P.N. Guin?

It's a low neighborhood, full of rumpots. They're used to curious sights, which they attribute to alcoholic delusions.

What's your game, Penguin?

No, Robin. Not at this time of day. Luckily, we're in tip-top condition. It'll be faster if we run. Let's go!

Indeed. If Robin and I were to remove our masks, the secret of our true identities would be revealed.

Hand down the shark-repellent Batspray!

The Riddler is loose to plague us with his criminal conundrums.

What else could I have done, Commissioner? If I told the truth, panic will grip the city.

Confound it, the batteries are dead!

To the Batmobile! This could be the break we've been looking for!

I'm not going to kill you. I want you to do me a favor. I want you to tell all your friends about me.

Let me tell you about this guy I know. Jack. Mean kid. Bad seed. Hurt people.

You killed my parents.

See that thing on my belt? Grab it! Whatever you do, don't let go.

It's not exactly a normal world, is it?

I'm Batman.

You-you've got kind of a - kind of a dark side, don't you?

Mistletoe can be deadly if you eat it.

You called me here for this? The Batsignal is not a beeper.

It's the car, right? Chicks love the car.

You trying to get under my cape, doctor?

We all wear masks.

I guess we're all two people.

I haven't had that much luck with women.

I read your work. Insightful. Naive, but insightful.

Yes, they were. We're the same.

I had to save them both. You see, I'm both Bruce Wayne and Batman, not because I have to be, now, because I choose to be.

Then it will happen this way: You make the kill, but your pain doesn't die with Harvey, it grows. So you run out into the night to find another face, and another, and another, until one terrible morning you wake up and realize that revenge has become your whole life. And you won't know why.

Hey, Freeze. The heat is on.

Hi, Freeze. I'm Batman.

I'm putting you on ice.

Why are all the gorgeous ones homicidal maniacs? Is it me?

Your head wasn't even on the job. All you could think about was Poison Ivy.

Yes, it's my rules. My rules to keep us alive, and if you want to stay in this house, and on this team, you will abide by them!

Who invited you?

You break it, you buy it.

You get the ice, I'll get the Ice Man.

This is why Superman works alone.

Me too! Definitely! [pause] Great stems, though...

That's not very PC. What about Batwoman, or Batperson?

Yep, we'll kill her later, we've got work to do.

It ends here.

I'm Batman!

I won't kill you. But I don't have to save you.

It's not who I am underneath... but what I do... that defines me.

Sometimes the truth isn't good enough, sometimes people deserve more. Sometimes people deserve to have their faith rewarded.

You'll hunt me. You'll condemn me. Set the dogs on me. Because that's what needs to happen.

You wanted me, here I am.

Then why do you want to kill me?

You're garbage who kills for money.

A hero can be anyone. Even a man doing something as simple and reassuring as putting a coat around a young boy's shoulders to let him know that the world hadn't ended.

You were excommunicated... by a gang of psychopaths!

Tell me where the trigger is. Then... you have my permission to die!

So that's what that feels like...

Well, here I am!

Twenty years in Gotham, Alfred; we've seen what promises are worth. How many good guys are left? How many stayed that way?

We're criminals, Alfred. We've always been criminals. Nothing's changed.

I bet your parents taught you that you mean something, that you're here for a reason. My parents taught me a different lesson, dying in the gutter for no reason at all... They taught me the world only makes sense if you force it to.

Maybe it's that Gotham City and me... we just have a bad history with freaks dressed like clowns.

You're not brave... men are brave. You say that you want to help people, but you can't feel their pain... their mortality... It's time you learn what it means to be a man.

Tell me. Do you bleed?

Oh, shit.

Whatever you do, wherever you go, I'll be watching you!

That's right. We have hospitals who treat the mentally ill with compassion... but that's not where you're going. I've arranged for you to get a transfer to Arkham Asylum in Gotham. I still have some friends there. They're expecting you.

Criminals are like weeds, Alfred; pull one up, another grows in its place. This is about the future of the world. This is my legacy.

Men are still good. We fight, we kill, we betray one another, but we can rebuild. We can do better. We will. We have to.

I thought she was with you.

Wait. I'll make you a promise: Martha won't die tonight.

It's okay, I'm a friend of your son's.

You don't know me, but I've known a few women like you.

Yeah... Something is definitely bleeding.

Sorry, guys. I didn't bring a sword.

I just want to do my duty as a proud citizen of this fair community.

You devil! How could a woman stoop to such a trick?

It's funny, I... when I came in here I could swear I was wearing a hat.

I solemnly swear by my oath as a crimefighter that this outrage will not go unavenged!

That's a good question, Dick.

Well, Alfred, it looks like my young ward and I are going fishing again, for the big one.

Two Batburgers, medium-rare, and two glasses of orangeade... doubles.

Even crimefighters must eat. And especially you, you're a growing boy and you need your nutrition.

Man cannot live by crime-fighting alone.

I'm afraid it's rather late. [looks at his watch] Why, it's ten-thirty.

I slipped an Anti-Eavesdrop-Batplug into the telephone just in case, I suggest you do the same.

Cool it, Ringo.

LIGHTS OUT! Now you wanna get nuts? Come on! Let's get nuts.

Security? Who let Vicki Vale into the Batcave? I'm sitting there working and I turn around, there she is. 'Oh hi, Vick - come on in.

You know what, I mistook me for somebody else.

But a kiss can be even deadlier... if you mean it.

Gotham isn't beyond saving.

I don't have the luxury of friends.

I'll be standing where I belong. Between you and the people of Gotham.

Well, a guy who dresses up like a bat clearly has issues.

And what does someone like me do?

Bats frighten me. It's time my enemies shared my dread.

You still haven't given up on me?

Well, I grew up in Gotham, and I turned out all right.

Criminals aren't complicated, Alfred. Just have to figure out what he's after.

Well today I found out what Batman can't do. He can't endure this. Today you get to say 'I told you so.'

This city needs me.

I'm not afraid. I'm angry.

I do fear death. I fear dying in here, while my city burns, and there's no one there to save it.

Bruce Wayne, eccentric billionaire.

I'm retired.

Why didn't you just... kill me?

I don't deserve you, Alfred.

Still working? You're getting slow in your old age, Alfred.

Excuse me, miss. The other night you took something that doesn't belong to you. Stealing's not polite.

Superman was a beacon to the world. He didn't just save people, he made them see the best parts of themselves.

The world needs Superman... the team needs Clark. He's more human I am. He lived in this world, fell in love, had a job. In spite of all that power.

But this is science beyond our limits. And that's what science is for. To do what's never been done. To make life better.

I believe that an enemy is coming from far away. I'm looking for warriors, this stranger. Others like him. I'm building an alliance to defend us. It's very important that I see this man.

I'm putting together a team of people with special abilities. See, I believe enemies are coming...

I'm rich.

I bought the bank.

I had a dream. It was the end of the world.

So, you're fast.

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